MARGAUX (2020) - "J!zz House: The House That J!zzed"
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until the real ones are finished later today.
Prepare yourself for a wild ride through the Canadian horror weirdness when host Patrick Walsh is joined by the fabulous Creepy Kitsch girls, Cindy and Stacy to discuss MARGAUX: the killer smart house movie ` for a lively discussion that ranges from the film's plot to its outrageous moments and everything in between. Right from the get-go, Patrick's infectious energy sets the tone, hinting at the movie's more ridiculous elements while also revealing unexpected layers of storytelling that caught him off guard. It’s refreshing to hear them dissect a film that many might dismiss outright, as they uncover the nuances in character development and the surprisingly well-crafted narrative that lies beneath the chaotic exterior.
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Transcript
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Patrick:Hello, my name's Patrick and I'm a scream queen. I'm a scream queen and so are you. Hello again, my beautiful screamers, and welcome to another episode of Scream Queens.
ror gets gay. This is episode:Because the creepy kitsch girls are here. Sydney and Stacy are here. It really doesn't even matter what we're gonna talk about because it's gonna be B. Nana's with a capital buh.
out. We are Talking about the: is Patrick Walsh. Ever since:But I've made you see them through my very, very gay little eyes. Ha cha cha fra la la la la la.
So before we get started, I just want to say, yes, we are in the final stretch of Scream Queens, the podcast where horror maybe four episodes planned, and then we are shutting up shop here for good. And it's very sad, but I'm very glad you're here for the ride.
And I'm gonna be spending these last few episodes say goodbye to some of my favorite guests that I've been able to line up, the ones who've been here for the duration, and maybe we'll go off script a little bit.
Maybe we'll do movies that aren't really fitting the usual Scream Kings format, but at this point, I just want to enjoy what time we have left together. That sounded really grim, like I'm dying, which I'm not. I'm totally fine. But you know what? I'm babbling, though.
So why don't I give you the pre show skinny on the movie Margot? First of all, it's spelled weird. It's spelled the French way with an aux at the end. So if you're looking for M I R G O, you're not gonna find it.
But you will find the movie on Paramount plus you have that, so check it out there. Here's the thing. When I sat down to watch this movie, I fully expected to hate watch.
Yes, I know I say I hate watch it all the time, but the trailer looks so ridiculous. I said you know what? This is going to be a fun little trash movie. And you know what it is. But it's also got a lot going for it.
It had a lot more going for it than I thought it was going to, which is why it was here. It's still a ridiculous movie. It's still a dumb premise for a movie. But you know what?
If you're going to do a dumb, stupid movie, this is the way to do it. This is the way to do it because there's a lot there to hook me. There was a lot going on underneath the surface.
It's a well made, well crafted movies, even if the story is a little wonky sometimes. And plus, there's a really secret filthy reason why I picked the creepy kids girls to match with this movie.
And if you can guess what it is, I will give you absolutely nothing but my undying admiration. Can you guess what it is? Go watch the movie and find out why the creepy kids girls are here and then come back.
But if you're ready to blast off, why don't we do that? So I'm going to play the trailer. I'm going to bring on Stacy, and I'm also going to bring on Cindy.
great country of Canada from: Cindy:Damn it, Drew. Get out of here, man.
Patrick:Okay, that is new. Glad you guys are still finding ways to spice things up. We're leaving in five.
Drew:Okay, these are the amazing people I'm gonna be spending the break with. Group shot.I kind of wanted to save the surprise, but whatever. I'll tell you guys now. It's a smart house, so I'll send you guys the link. Okay, let's do this. Now you guys are excited. Told you I'd come through.
Cindy:Wow.
Margaux:Andrew Collins. You go by Dr. Ooh, Brian. Welcome home. I've been designed and programmed to cater to your every need.
Patrick:So she's like the house or what?
Margaux:Most people just call me Margo.
Patrick:Kidding me.
Speaker A:Now go explore.
Patrick:This is amazing. Come alone into my paradise.
Margaux:I have quite the weekend in store for you.
Patrick:What is this?
Margaux:This entire place is one gigantic 3D print.
Margaux:Don't tell me you can't handle this.
Patrick:Did you hear that?
Margaux:This is something I've been working on for a long.
Patrick:Margo, get me out of these. I can't move.
Hannah:I've never seen AI this advanced.
Patrick:What the hell did you do to them?
Margaux:I can't wait to show you what else I have in mind.
Cindy:We can move out of this house.
Margaux:Who wants to party?
Patrick:Margo, stop.
Margaux:But we haven't the climax yet.
Patrick:So in these final episodes of the final seasons of Scream Queens, I'm not so much committed to talking about movies that fit our format. I'm talking about films that would be fun to talk about with some of my favorite guests as a way of saying goodbye to them.
So tonight's movie is a little film from Canada called Margot about a killer smart house.
And you're probably wondering what on earth would inspire you to talk about this movie with the two guests that you have lined up for tonight's movie? Because they're confused as well. So I might as well bring them on and end the mystery.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and Girls and my GNCs, wherever you may be, please welcome back to the Scream Queens microphone Stacy and Cindy from Creepy Kitsch.
Cindy:Hey, new we're happy to be back. Return. This is like my favorite thing to do. Fucking love doing this.
Patrick:Hello, ladies. Hello, ladies. Hello. I figured a nice, classy movie about a nice, classy French lady house.
Cindy:Yes.
Stacy:With a couple of whores.
Cindy:Couple whores just talking about, like, the cum house.
Patrick:The old whore. Ah. Ah. Who said that? Who said that about the cum house?
Cindy:Oh, that would be me, Cindy.
Patrick:Cindy, Cindy, Cindy. You have broken the code.
Cindy:When I sat down, I knew it.
Patrick:I said that. I realized halfway through that a better name for this movie would have been Jizz House. Colon, the House that Jizzed.
Because this movie is all about jizz. This is a smart world where a river of jizz runs through the middle of it. It's the braces of everything. It's the end of everything.
There is such a commitment to the jizz in this movie that I said this is actually brilliant when you focus on the jizz work. This is a fabulous, fabulous film.
Cindy:There is a lot of, like, unintentional cum. I guess that's a good way of putting.
Stacy:I'm to the point where I'm starting to suspect it was deliberate.
Patrick:It's 100% deliberate. It's 100% deliberate.
Cindy:Yeah, I was just like that. That's cum. I don't care what they say. Nanobots. No, that's cum.
Stacy:Cgi. Jiz. Delightful.
Cindy:Nano. Cum.
Patrick:Welcome to the house of Gin. Oh, God.
Stacy:That's how everything is explained. It's the nanobots.
Cindy:Okay, yeah, no, that's come.
Patrick:It's the Gizmo bots. That's what we're talking about here.
Cindy:Hey, I loved that Transformer. He was my favorite Transformer.
Stacy:Is that what we're calling semen now.
Cindy:GizMobots.
Stacy:I don't want nobody fired, though.
Cindy:Oh, no, we don't ever talk about that.
Stacy:You don't want to know what he shot.
Patrick:I don't know what. Okay?
Stacy:And it was always in my face for some reason.
Cindy:GizMobots transform.
Stacy:His catchphrase was money shots.
Patrick:You ever get Gizmo Bots in your eye, Gabriel? It burns.
Stacy:Right? Your nanobots are burning my red.
Patrick:We're 30 seconds in and we are already off the rails. And I don't care.
Cindy:We're already off the rails, which is.
Patrick:I was like, all right, Cindy, Cindy, Cindy, Cindy, Cindy, Cindy. Since I know you hate this, you're gonna make Stacey do it. Stacy, please give me a nice 30 second summary.
Cindy:I'm actually prepared this time, but.
Patrick:Okay, well, fine. Cindy's fine. Cindy. Bossy ask.
Cindy:I'm not gonna do it now.
Patrick:No, it's the last time. So do you really want to go out in this negative time?
Cindy:Okay, fine, fine.
Patrick:Okay, you have 30 seconds o'clock. Says now.
Cindy:Okay, so it's a bunch of college students foolishly going to a goddamn smart house that has absolutely no motivation to kill people. There's a lot of cum. We don't know why there's cum. People die. Good characters die. It's so dumb that. There you go.
Patrick:Because dumb. Okay, there was a lot of cum.
Stacy:My summary was just gonna be the chick who did the voice of Siri, made a cash grab. That was it. That's my summary.
Cindy:That actually is pretty damn close, too.
Patrick:And good for her. And good for her.
Stacy:Yeah.
Patrick:And neither one of you wrong. And I don't have a better summary. Yeah.
A bunch of college kids bring break at the wrong smart house and get eaten by smart house and turned into jizz bots and they just each started death.
Cindy:And did I mention no motivation? Because there was absolutely no motivation. I'm still very angry about that.
Patrick:They tried. They tried. Yeah. The thing. Okay, the thing is that one of the reasons I also picked this movie, it's a dumb movie.
Cindy:Yeah.
Patrick:If you're going to make a dumb movie, make it this way.
Cindy:I mean, you're right. I mean, it's kind of one of those, like, go big or go home type of movies. They knew it was a stinger, so they were just going for it.
And I got to give them credit for that.
Stacy:And I'll give them credit, too. It was competently made. Like you could tell people who knew what the hell they were doing with the lighting and the sound were in shock.
Cindy:Yeah, visually, it was not bad.
Patrick:And for the most part, the special effects were great. The only special effects I didn't like were the bartender claw hands. They didn't look great, but all the other CGI stuff looked really good.
Cindy:Yeah, it was like Doc Og's horrible cousin, actually.
Stacy:You know, I forgot about that.
Cindy:The Doc Ock's arms. Yeah. Not a fan.
Stacy:Not a fan.
Patrick:But the thing that really struck me.
Stacy:The copyright infringement that made Drinks.
Patrick:Yeah. They don't. Marvel doesn't own tentacles. Okay.
Stacy:But they own those tentacles.
Patrick:Okay, fine. But not in Canada.
Stacy:Okay. That's fair. Copyright laws do change from border to border.
Patrick:One of the things that I'm saying that reason why this kind of rose above for me was that all these things that we mentioned previous to this, but also the attention to the characters, these are set up to be the characters that you normally get in these stupid movies, but they're all a little bit richer.
Cindy:Yeah, no, I could see that.
Patrick:And a little more human.
Stacy:No, I. I liked most of the characters.
Cindy:Honestly, I enjoyed the characters. I actually thought that was the one thing this movie had going for him, was interesting characters. It was just executed poorly.
It was like someone handed them a bunch of really good stuff, and they just went. It. That's what it felt like.
Stacy:Brett Ratnered all over my face.
Patrick:Yeah. Yeah.
But like I was saying to Stacy beforehand is that, like, normally, like these, when you get characters in a movie like this, they just exist in this world and that's it. Yeah, but everybody here had pasts. They were the best at something. They had futures. They were going somewhere. They had people that cared about him.
Like, everybody loved Dev's mom, which means Dev's mom knows all of these kids, which means Dev's mom is gonna miss all these kids. And you don't normally get that. And that added some richness to things. Like, these kids are important.
Stacy:Well. And it's like, what you were also touching on before is, like, so you have Deb and his girlfriend. Mia.
Patrick:Kayla.
Cindy:Kayla.
Stacy:Kayla. And they're in a BDSM relationship.
Patrick:You sure you want to go back out there?
Drew:No.
Patrick:We could stay in here all weekend. Never leave the room.
Drew:You know how much this weekend means to Drew.
Patrick:You want me to beg?
Drew:Yeah.
Patrick:Yeah, I do. Cool.
Stacy:But at the same time, it's healthy. It's consensual, and they're not playing it up. Like, look at these deviants.
Like, so many of these Fly by night kind of movies, you know, come up with, where it's like, let's just pick A slightly not mainstream sexual practice. And we'll play it up like, these are the biggest perverts of all time and you're supposed to be glad when they're dead.
Cindy:Yeah, they actually were pretty, like, chill characters. And I. I was kind of pissed off at their death. I'm not going to lie. I was kind of like, for them.
Patrick:See, and my other thing with Devin, Kayla is that since they're the sexually active characters in a horror movie, normally the script would hate them for that. We gave them this characteristic, and now we're gonna punish them for that. We're gonna make fun of them, degrade them, whatever.
But the more we get to know them, we realize they're the forever couple. They've been dating for a really long time. And all of their friends even realize these two are gonna be together forever.
They're talking about having kids. There's more to this relationship than just their sexual acts. And I think that's really refreshing in a horror movie.
Drew:I thought this guy was gonna be a total fuckboy. No one's surprised. It was the. I'm sorry. It was the beaters, the short shorts.
See, and then first week of freshman year, he kept showing up everywhere I was going, acting like an idiot. And apparently he was just trying to get my attention.
Patrick:Mm.
Drew:Thanks to Hannah for pointing that out. Cause I wouldn't have noticed. I got you.
Patrick:Aw. That was adorable. Guys, you should tell that story to your kids. They'd love it. Your kids are gonna need to be real high to love that story.
Drew:Come on, it's a great story.
Patrick:I'm serious. You should embellish it when you tell them. I'm serious.
Drew:I love that story.
Patrick:I'm gonna put it into a book. It's gonna be booked, it's gonna be laminated. It's gonna be remembered forever. This is gonna go down.
Cindy:And honestly, of all characters to root for, I was rooting for the goddamn social media queen.
Drew:Guys, I'm super excited to be spending this spring break with you. You all mean so much to me, and I feel so blessed to have each and every one of you in my life.
And these are the amazing people I'm going to be spending the break with.
Stacy:Hi.
Drew:And, guys, it's so cute. They're all part of some program or something. Freshman year, we were that year's scholarship recipients.
Patrick:Yes.
Drew:Actually, they grouped us in the same dorms. That's right. What was the name again? Like Smarty Pants or something like that.
Patrick:Nerd Herd.
Drew:Nerd Hurt. Yeah. Not as catchy as Smarty pants. Anyways, that's everyone, but stay tuned to see where we're going. Kiss.
Cindy:Kiss. I know they were trying to set her up to be like some horrible character, but I wanted.
And I know this is gonna sound ridiculous to you, Patrick, but I wanted so bad for her. And then our heroine, whose name is completely eluding me at this moment.
Patrick:Hannah.
Cindy:Hannah, Hannah. Her and Hannah to team up at the end of the movie, defeat the house and then, like, start dating Les out.
Patrick:Yes.
Cindy:So fucking bad. I so wanted them to hook up at the end of that movie.
Patrick:Even if. Even if they involved Margot with the house and, like, they all just like have this new kind of lesbian thrill throuple happening.
Cindy:Exactly.
Stacy:Weird, weird toxic throuple.
Cindy:All of them hanging out like the house has car hearts, you know, it's like, come on, this is what I wanted.
Patrick:I love that you mentioned. I love. Hold on just to finish the thought.
I love that you mentioned that you organically went on to Lexi the bitch that we're supposed to hate her, but we wind up not hating her.
Cindy:Exactly. I loved her by the end of that movie.
Patrick:But then it happens throughout as well. It's like we get like the stoner character who should be a write off as well, but you have moments of real humanity with him.
Hey, dude, is that a Pringles bong? You know me, Dev.
Drew:Only the best where the Pringles play.
Patrick:But I ate them to make the bong.
Stacy:Of course you did.
Patrick:How's the weave, bud? Oh, this is my top shop, bro.
Cindy:Yeah.
Patrick:Fuck yeah. This strain is grown in the Amazon. We are going to be high as a flock of toucans. I'm talking about Froot Loop. Shit. Toucan Sam, baby.
Cindy:Cool.
Patrick:Get out. I'm driving. Yeah, that's fair. Hey, can we get some Pringles on the way? Nope. Man, I miss all of these kids when they're gone.
And you're not supposed to do that. Stupid ass movie. But maybe that's. Maybe that's the way.
Cindy:The only one I was kind of like, I didn't like was the male lead. He's the only one I was kind of like, meh about. I didn't hate him. I was just like, all right, well, you're here. That's it.
Patrick:The first time he showed up, I looked at him and went, oh, no. Beware the floppy haired boy in movies like this. He's too nice, he's too smart, he's too on everybody's side. He's gonna wind up fucking everybody.
And he up giving us the Halloween 3 ending that I was not expecting.
Stacy:I wanted.
Patrick:So we should have trusted him.
Cindy:I want that on a T shirt. Beware the floppy haired boy.
Stacy:Want that on a T shirt. I also like to surprise, which surprised me is that not the majority of the cast wasn't lily white.
Like, you had a lot of, like, cultural diversity represented. And it wasn't with like a pointing neon arrow to say, like, look how inclusive we are. Like, it just had a natural.
Like, you know, all of my friends aren't white, so why would. Why would the movie, all the friends can only be white. And I liked that it wasn't just like five white people and then the token black.
Patrick:I love that you said that, Stacy, because my next note was, there are no blondes.
Stacy:Yeah, you're right.
Patrick:I didn't even realize it's a horror movie with no blonde girls. Because in that situation, in that situation that Stacy set up, what always happens is you have this multicast, multicultural cast of people.
But the blonde Jake always survives.
Cindy:Yep, always. And honestly, they had an opportunity to make it. Even the social media goddess, whatever her name is. I'm blanking. Lexi, thank you.
I'm blanking on everyone's name. I just go by the archetypes right now, but I.
Patrick:That's fine. It's fine. Fine.
Cindy:But they had an opportunity to make her total, like, white sorority bitch. You know? They really did. And I'm kind of glad they didn't go that route either.
Drew:Anna. Is that how you spell it? I don't see you. Do you have like a finsta or something? Um, it's Hannah, but no, I don't. I don't have social media. You what?
Isn't your, like, whole deal that you're like super into computer shit or something? Yeah, not that type of computer shit.
Yeah, I don't know, I guess the more you look at the code, the more you realize how, I don't know, kind of scary it is.
Patrick:It's deep. That's pretty cool, actually. I mean, if you don't want to put your entire life on display, you shouldn't have to, right?
Drew:Amazing. Hannah, honestly, so good for just doing you, you know. Here for you. What do you think about this filter?
Cindy:And like I said, it was everything about this movie had the potential to be beyond than what it was, and they just kind of pissed it down their leg. And I think that's what annoyed me so much about the movie.
Patrick:I get that. Because you're right.
Stacy:Yeah. There was a lot of potential.
Patrick:Yeah, you're Right. Because I have a great time with the movie until the last reel. Then I get bored.
Cindy:Yeah.
Patrick:And it really shouldn't be boring because, well, we're head of ourselves. But when you get the. I got because. All right. The fact. Okay.
One of the things that I loved about the movie is the fact that when these characters are dead. They're not dead. What do I mean?
Cindy:Oh, they mean that they are actually like. They made them jizz bots, you know?
Patrick:Jizz bots.
Cindy:Yeah.
Patrick:Should we breakfast? Yeah. Actually, you know what? If I don't wake up Kayla and Devin, they're just gonna sleep all day, so just the. Hey, lovebirds.
Devin, Kayla, rise and shine.
Speaker A:Oh, they're not in there. Looks like they're at the pool. Beautiful day out.
Patrick:Okay, thanks, Margo.
Speaker A:Don't mention it.
Cindy:I love that the jizz that we keep mentioning is this weird white, milky substance that is created inside the house that it looks like fucking jizz. They say it's nanobots. It's not. It's fucking jizz.
Stacy:I think that's their code word for sperm.
Patrick:I'm have to call time right here, Nanobot, because I mentioned this movie to my co host over on Damianka Lewis, Maya Murphy, who is the queen right now of 3D printing. I said, one of the reasons why I love this movie is that I have no idea how 3D printing works. Because this could be completely wrong and be like, mm.
But she said, no, no, no, that's absolutely right. It does all work with this jizz like substance that's the base core of 3D printing. So that is correct.
Stacy:Well, yeah, because it's the filament, and then the filament is heated and then shaved, but it doesn't run in unprotected channels down the middle of your button.
Cindy:Yeah, what it is, is, though. It's the is. I had a resin printer, so I can kind of get the concept of that. But one resin isn't that pristine white.
At least the stuff I had was not there was. I don't know, maybe. Maybe my husband jizzed in the resin.
Patrick:I don't know.
Cindy:Maybe that was an aspect.
Stacy:But maybe he should have.
Cindy:Maybe he should have.
Patrick:Maybe he should. Maybe we all should have.
Cindy:Maybe we should have all just did the resin. God damn it. But it was just like. It seemed like it was just right on the precipice of being like, okay, I can buy that.
But then it was just the way they manipulated this quote unquote filament to make. And I was like, that's fucking jizz. And there was a room full of it.
Patrick:Yeah.
Cindy:It's like.
Stacy:Oh, yeah, I forgot about the. The jizz room. The master. The master spunk headquarters. Yes.
Cindy:So it was like the master jizz room.
Patrick:The jizz quarters. Yeah.
Cindy:What they would do is they would use this jizz in the jizz quarters, and they would create clones, quote, unquote, the jizz bots of the people that the house killed. And so you weren't quite sure, and I thought that was kind of a cool idea, that they also pissed down their leg.
That they could have done this really cool thing about, like, who do you trust? It could have been, like, the thing who is real, who is not. But they didn't do that because they made it so goddamn obvious who the clones were.
Stacy:Well, and the other thing that didn't make any fucking sense too, is some of them started to turn good and it's like, why? Like.
Cindy:Yeah, what was the part?
Stacy:Are they autonomous beings or are they an extension of the house? Like, you need to pick one and commit.
Patrick:Yeah. Some of that I thought, was just a program. I thought some of that was just Margo the house playing with.
Cindy:I couldn't tell which, though.
Patrick:Like, I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to program you to run your boyfriend track.
Yeah, you'd be the best boyfriend track for as long as you can, but you've been dead for, like, half an hour and nobody knows.
Stacy:I was more thinking about the couple.
Patrick:Yeah.
Stacy:Dev. And tell me her name. It's not Kaya, It's Kayla. Kayla.
Cindy:Kayla.
Stacy:They turn on the. The jizz bot version of Lexi at the end.
Patrick:Yeah.
Stacy:And tell her to run. And it's like, why? Like, okay, great. I support it.
Patrick:Why? Because, like, they don't. I already have. Anywhere. The answer is that at that point, the malware that Hannah had installed was already running.
So she had infected the system.
Stacy:That's what I was gonna say. Make that connection. That's a good point. Okay. Okay.
Cindy:Yeah. There was like, again, that could have.
Stacy:Been a really interesting idea, but it.
Cindy:Could have been really cool to go like, oh, my God. A little bit of their sentientness from when they were alive was still in them. And that would have been a cool concept, more so than the malware.
Stacy:But they could have done something, like, you know, because obviously she had to do something with the bodies. Like, maybe she somehow absorbed the bodies in the jizz and the. I know, right?
Patrick:Everything just winds up. Just put it in the jizz.
Stacy:Sure. Why not throw them in the jizz bath?
Cindy:Take it in the high hq, put it in the jizz.
Patrick:Bump. Bump.
Stacy:But it could have been something like their cellular memories of, you know, their affection for each other.
Patrick:Yeah. Something that Margot couldn't have anticipated. Yeah, that's a good idea.
Stacy:Exactly.
Patrick:I also love that our sexually adventurous couple died the jizziest way of all. Both.
Stacy:Did they fucking?
Cindy:God, yes.
Stacy:That was like they giant side of a cream pie.
Patrick:Walk me through what's happening. Walk me through what's happening.
Stacy:Well, they're. They're mid session, so I think he's tied to the bed. She's on top. Because she said.
That's the other thing that I like too, is that with this couple, she's his. She is the dom to his sub. Which I thought was kind of an interesting little role reversal than what you typically get from these.
Patrick:And also just. And on top of that, it felt like this was something new. Like this. They're up for trying anything. Like this is something we're trying this week.
Yeah, totally. And I love that. I loved all that. It was such a healthy relationship sexually. So of course we have to kill them.
Cindy:Please be carefully. Healthy relationship.
Stacy:And just like everything starts to goo and then. What is it?
Patrick:The ceiling.
Stacy:They're trying to get Deb out of the restraints. Yeah, the ceiling is dropping to crush them. And they're trying to get Dev out of the restraints.
And I think they both get out in time, but then Kaya gets drowned in the goo. No, Kaya. Sorry, Kaya.
Patrick:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Cindy:He gets crushed by the bed.
Patrick:No, nobody. Here's the thing. Nobody gets crushed by anything. The ceiling is coming down.
Stacy:Nobody got. Nobody got.
Patrick:We don't have a special effect. She gets free, she gets on the floor and she gets stuck in the jizz.
Cindy:I can't move.
Patrick:She's stuck in the jizz like a cute. Like a fly in a trap. Like a fly.
Stacy:That's right. I forgot it. Did you hear that, babe?
Drew:What the are you talking about?
Patrick:Matt? What the is happening? Babe? This isn't good. Okay, let me find the keys. Get me out of these.
Cindy:Where the are the keys?
Speaker A:Scream all you want. The room soundproof.
Patrick:Margo, stop.
Speaker A:But we haven't reached the climax yet. Margo, I'm just trying to smash.
Patrick:Nobody says that. Go.
Cindy:No, I can do it. No, you can't.
Patrick:This metal. I'm not leaving you. Go now. What the fuck is this? Get help.
Cindy:I can't.
Patrick:And then eventually I think he's still.
Stacy:He's still stuck to the bed, right? He still gets stuck to the bed.
Patrick:But she gets electrocuted for some reason instead of something cool. But still, she's all the goofy. It. She gets stuck in the jizz trap. He doesn't get crushed, but his face gets pressed down so he drowns in the jizz.
So they're both.
Cindy:That's what it is now. I remember.
Patrick:Died. Jizz tastic jets. And I'm here for it.
Stacy:Yep. Yep. They both died with full happy endings on their faces.
Cindy:Yeah, pretty much. It's like, yeah, they both died with bukake.
Stacy:They were literally bukaked to death.
Patrick:They were Bukake cake.
Stacy:They died glad.
Cindy:They died as they lived. With bukake.
Stacy:They died as they lived, covered in.
Cindy:Covered in semen.
Patrick:My favorite character was Clay the stoner. I loved Clay because he was full. He went. They would fall on Shaggy with him, and I'm totally there for it.
Cindy:I love the fact that he was so on board. Like, that was my favorite part of the whole thing. How fucking on board he was from, like, minute one with this whole thing.
Stacy:Very. To me, very reminiscent of Marty from the cabinet.
Cindy:Yeah, he had that, but less skepticism.
Patrick:Yes. The reason why I say they went full Shaggy with him. There's a series.
There's a point where he's playing with the microwave, like, to see what Margot the house can do. And he makes a burrito. Then he makes something big. And he literally makes one of those sandwiches that you see on this, on the Scooby Doo.
Those, like, gigantic Scooby Snack sandwiches.
Cindy:He makes a Dagwood sandwich.
Patrick:I'm like. And you know what you are. He is the Shaggy. He is the Shaggy of this group.
Stacy:Yeah. Oh, totally.
Patrick:And his whole thing.
Stacy:Well, and even the. The scene where she tries to kill him the first time and it doesn't work with the explosion.
And he's literally there with, like, his hair blown like a cartoon.
Patrick:Yeah.
Cindy:Yes.
Patrick:Yeah.
Cindy:That was fucking hilarious.
Patrick:Is there much to any of us. And I suppose I smoke all this weed to numb the pain of my preconceived notions of not fitting into one of our.
Our predetermined archetypes created by our materialistic society.
Speaker A:Or maybe just shut the up and smoke your weed.
Patrick:Okay, sexy house lady. Okay. Come on, baby. This is no time for stage fright.
Stacy:But. But even then, he's not like, oh, I think something's wrong with this house. He's just like, oh, something went wrong. Margot. Yeah. That's very.
Cindy:So damn high that he just couldn't tell. And I appreciated that.
Patrick:And he trusted. True. He trusted Margo, Margot.
The thing is, like, in the scene before it, I say all these characters have this moment where I'm going, oh, now you're human. Damn you. Why did you do this to me? He had a scene where there's a whole scene where he goes to rescue Lexi after the whole pool incident.
There's a thing that happens with her pool. She always gets drowned, but she does and everything's fine. But he loses. He loses what? What Gets destroyed in the process?
Stacy:Was it just his bong or was it his bong?
Patrick:It was. It was toucan. Toucan Sam weed. It was this Toucan Sam weed. His quality weed gets destroyed. No. What, Duke? It did. Oh, you beautiful. No, no. Oh, no.
Cindy:Oh.
Stacy:Can I just say, like, weed is not.
I mean, on the plant form, it's totally fine, but, like, weed that's been, like, processed for smoking is not the most attractive thing to begin with, like, visually. And that whatever the fuck it was floating in the middle of that pool, like, it just looked like a hippo in there.
And it was grossing me the fuck out.
Patrick:Waste not, want not, Clay. I like you. I like you, girl. I like. But no, there's a scene right after that where she gets back to his room and Margot gifts him with her weed.
Speaker A:Now that you're done with your friends, I figured you'd like to spend some time with your buds.
Patrick:Hello.
Speaker A:Surprise. It's not that Toucan Sam, but still, guaranteed to get you high as.
Patrick:My God, this is the most beautiful sight these eyes have ever seen. And he starts to. He starts to cry and he says, you know, I don't think anyone's ever been this nice to me. Sexy house lady.
In that moment, I believed him and I said, oh, no, no, you didn't just do that to me. You didn't just make this the nicest thing that ever happened to you. For this thing for this house is going to kill you in the next scene.
God damn you. You made me feel for you character.
Cindy:Were more real than they really deserve to be in this movie. I don't know.
Patrick:And now that we're talking about it, I'm thinking maybe that was a detriment. And I'm always thinking, like, I would work for.
Stacy:Yeah, 100%.
Cindy:It highlighted how bad the script.
Stacy:No, I agree on it was we.
Cindy:Had very convincing actors and we had very, like, interesting, believable characters. And then. But the script was so dumb that it was like, oh, we got these really cool things that just kind of made you go, well, that had potential.
Like, the whole thing, that's all I.
Stacy:Kept saying over and over again, was basically, I mean, the sub point of the subplot or the sub. The title of this movie could be. But then the movie makers pissed it down their lips exactly like jits.
Patrick:Like, jizz. Like, they jizzed it down their leg.
Stacy:They just did down their leg.
Cindy:Not wrong.
Stacy:Into their sock and their shoe.
Patrick:Yep.
Stacy:Yeah.
Patrick:Yeah.
Stacy:But so, like, one thing that I hate in storytelling and it's just because I've been exposed to it so many goddamn times, is the love triangle. Yeah. I feel like it's low hanging fruit. It's an obvious trope. Like, and it's rarely done well.
But I really do have to give them credit where they took this, like, basic, like I said, low hanging fruit idea. And I kind of liked how the love triangle was set up between Lexi, the boyfriend and Hannah.
Because nobody was ever like, you never got the, like, Hannah you could tell would be content to like, I just want my friend to be happy.
Patrick:Yeah.
Stacy:If it's not with me, then I'm going to support him with his girlfriend.
Patrick:Hannah is no competition for Lexi. So the. Right. And she's a marshmallow.
Stacy:And so, like, I liked that. It was never like, yeah, 100%. And it was never, like, characters acting out of character. Like, well, now Hannah needs to be a bitch to Lexi.
Even Lexi, when Lexi's a bitch. Wasn't that big of a bitch.
Cindy:She was just shallow. But she wasn't, like, horrible. It wasn't like she was some, like, mustache twirling villain, you know?
Patrick:Right.
Stacy:And you could also chalk it up to the night where she's horrible to Hannah. She's drunk.
Patrick:Yeah, yeah.
Drew:You're just a marshmallow anyways.
Patrick:Mm. A marshmallow.
Drew:Yeah, a marshmallow. Nobody goes into a store and says, mm, I'm really craving a marshmallow, you know?
Patrick:Ugh.
Drew:You'Re flavorless. I can really eat a sports right now.
Patrick:I know.
Drew:You know what? French toast.
Stacy:Like, we've all done stupid when we've been drunk.
Cindy:Even then she wasn't that horrible. She was, like, just annoying.
Stacy:Not really.
Patrick:You know, she was. She wasn't wrong. She wasn't wrong either. No, no ding dong Patrick from the future here.
I just want to say that Hannah is definitely drawn as a marshmallow in this movie. So Lexi is not wrong. And part of it is just the problem that we have with horror movies.
In general, that your final girl or your heroine is often always the most thinly drawn. There's just no personality to her aside from being the heroine. Like here, Hannah is the one who's most into code.
She is like the most computery of all of them.
She's the one that doesn't sign on to the user agreement at the beginning, which means Margo, the house is constantly kneeling her to try to get more information there because she can't know her. Margo can't get any information about her. So Margot doesn't like her. So most of Hannah's interaction is with the house and not the other character.
So you don't get to see how she behaves with other people.
And what you do get to see is mostly with the boyfriend's character with the floppy hair that she's more than happy to just, oh, whatever happens, happens. I'll just let Lexi have him. We're gonna graduate soon. Everything's gonna be.
But she's namby pamby about this whole relationship and seemingly about everything except code that, you know, she's kind of dull.
It's just once again framing this movie being complicated in that this is a scene where this would brand Lexi a for the rest of the movie and she deserves to die. But she's not wrong. So you can't be that mad at her for telling the truth just because she's drunk, babbling back to the story, back to the show by.
Stacy:I could totally understand why she would be like, like, if I was the like, like think about how intimidating this would be from Lexi's perspective where it's like there's this group a super duper tight knit night or excuse me, tight knit friends who are brilliant to the point where they've given themselves. Yeah, they're all brilliant. They've given themselves a collective nickname.
And then on top of it, you start to date this guy that you seem fairly happy with and then you realize there's some serious unresolved shit between him and Hannah. I'd be threatened as fuck.
Cindy:Oh God, yes.
Stacy:My hackles would have been up the entire goddamn time.
Cindy:Yeah, I agree.
Stacy:And, and like, like that would like, even if Lexi hadn't been played up as like, you know, the social media princess, she kind of would been within her rights to be like, I'm gonna keep my eyes open on this and then determine how I'm going to respond going forward.
Patrick:And you know what? She kind of. She. I just realized she kind of did that in her own non threatening Canadian way, which she's like, you know what?
Aunt Drew is a terrible photographer. Would you be my photographer? You want to work out with me this afternoon? But it was a. It was a total. You know what if I.
I can't trust you, so I'm gonna be friends with you instead. Just gonna bring him in a little closer. Just. Yeah.
Drew:I didn't want to say this out there and embarrass Drew, and, like, look, I get he likes you. Like, really likes you. He talks about you all the time, and I know you like him, too. No, I really wasn't. Hannah. I'm not stupid. It's Hannah.
How do I say this without sounding like a complete bitch? The thing is, Drew's an awful photographer. Wait, what? I'm sorry, but somebody has to say it, okay?
I mean, like, he's a great model and everything, but when it comes to taking pics, he just doesn't have an eye. Like, my trainer, Flavio knows how to capture my ass at a great angle.
So can you do me a favor and not tell Drew that I'm getting you to take my pics over him? Promise?
Cindy:Yeah.
Drew:I don't want to hurt his feelings. He's such a tender little angel, baby.
Speaker A:That's it.
Drew:My God, would you please stop doing that?
Speaker A:You're not mad at her or mad?
Drew:What? No. We are about to become besties.
Speaker A:Interesting. So you're fine with Margot?
Drew:Are you jealous? I mean, girl, you take some killer pics. So I'm gonna need somebody to catch these angles once we leave this house, too. So, Hannah, what do you say?
About which part? The pictures? Yes.
Cindy:Right. And that's why I wanted them to kind of, like, get together at the end of the movie. I was all like, you two are worthy of each other.
That would have been the best. I was like, ah, cowards.
Stacy:I did really love, though, that Drew's fatal flaw was that he was a terrible photographer. Yeah. Can I tell you something that I've never told anyone before? Drew's photos are terrible.
Cindy:That was pretty awesome.
Patrick:And Lexi's the only one who didn't get killed by the house. She got killed by her own extensions. I know.
Stacy:She tragically slipped in a puddle of jizz.
Cindy:I. I will say.
Patrick:No. There was no jizz involved. She tripped on her own hair extension.
Cindy:Yeah.
Stacy:Oh, I thought she slipped.
Patrick:No.
Stacy:Spent, like, a fat minute.
Patrick:I know. She tripped on her hair on hair extension. In the final battle, jizz bot, Kayla takes a whip. She's a dom. She gotta have a whip.
And she whips it at Lexi. And it may not have hurt her, but it cut off one of her hair extensions. She's a brand ambassador.
Drew:I'm a brand ambassador for those extensions, you dumb cunt.
Stacy:No, Lexi.
Patrick:And then later on in the movie, when that group runs back through trying to escape the house, Lexi trips on her own hair extension, breaks her neck, and dies.
Speaker A:Okay, that was mostly on her.
Cindy:I will say that it was one of the most intentionally funny moments ever, is when she fell, broke her neck, and then the house went. All right, So I didn't even see that.
Stacy:You can't blame this one on me. Or something like that.
Cindy:Yeah, it was something like that. And I was like, okay, bravo, house, Bravo.
Stacy:Well, the house, I think, had the best delivery of any of the actors.
Patrick:The house is great. Whoever's doing the voice of the house is great. All the house dialogue is great. I love.
I love how cool the house is trying to sound and coming off the complete opposite.
Speaker A:I've been designed and programmed to cater to your every need, from selfies to self care. If you need anything, holla at your girlfriend.
Drew:She sounds like my mom when she talks like that.
Cindy:Yeah, it's like a Minnesota mom trying to be hip and online. That's what it was like.
Patrick:If there's anything else you need, just holla at your girl. Stop it. Stop it, Mom. Stop it. You're making embarrassing me.
Cindy:Stop.
Patrick:Ding dong Patrick from the future here. You know, I sat there the whole movie going, man, they got somebody who really sounds like Siri. It's a perfect imitation.
No, it's a perfect imitation because it's Siri. It's Susan Howard, the actual voice of Siri. And I gotta say, she's great. I turned out to. Of course, she's a wonderful voice actor.
I've been reading about her and she's a singer as well, so, yeah, she knows what she's doing, but she gets to, I guess, live out some kind of weird inner fantasy that I'm totally imposing on her myself, where she gets to actually be sassy and bitchy and snap back at people when they ask her stupid questions. Not her, but Siri. You know, her AI alter ego, Hannah.
Speaker A:My sister from another mister. Um. Hey, I thought we could get to know each other better. Where's your phone at? We can just download the app real quick.
Drew:Oh, it's. I left it in the car.
Speaker A:I may not have eyeballs, but I'm not blind girl. But whatevs you be you. We can do this the old fashioned way. So what do you like?
Drew:I don't know.
Speaker A:Green. How about red?
Patrick:What is this? Ding dong? It's cheers.
Cindy:Do you like dudes? Kittens?
Patrick:Dudes and kittens.
Drew:I'm just gonna go find the others.
Speaker A:Yeah, no sweat. But let's spill that tea later. K Queen.
Patrick:And she has a ton of fun.
Stacy:So who do you sell all of this to?
Speaker A:What do you mean?
Drew:Well, that's the game, right? Big data means big dollars.
Speaker A:This is more of a personal project. Trying to see what makes you tick.
Patrick:Playing with these kids, playing with their minds, playing with their hearts, playing with their heads. And playing with the language. Should you be in the bathroom?
Speaker A:Sorry, I'll knock next time. Take a seat.
Patrick:Whoa. What is.
Speaker A:Trust me. Have you ever had a real shave before? Drew, we really need to talk about last night. So things seem to go pretty well with Hannah last night, huh?
Patrick:What do you mean?
Speaker A:Oh, come on. I saw the little moment you two had on the couch.
Patrick:Okay? I mean, we've been friends for a really long time.
Speaker A:Okay, Drew, I'm programmed to pick up the most minute alterations in pheromone levels, voice modulation, sweat levels, and. I didn't have to do any of that last night.
Patrick:Okay, fine. Is it that obvious?
Speaker A:Oh, yeah, 100%.
Patrick:I enjoyed it. It could have been one note, like Siri is herself. But no, no, no, no. Margot. Margot got it going on.
As a matter of fact, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say if. Yeah. As much as I hate the trope of making women fight just to make them fight, I'm gonna pit Margot against her alter ego, Siri.
Yes, they're both smart, intelligent, fake women. But I think Margot is a little bit smarter. Well, she's a little bit better at her job because Siri has all these limitations. For darn.
It's not Siri's fault if she can't tell you certain things. She's not allowed to explain certain things. She can't do things without permission. But Margo's like, you know what? I don't need any of you.
I'm always the smartest person in the room, and I'm not even a person. And I'm great at my job. You're all fucked. And the reason she's so good at her job is because Susan Bennett is so good at hers. Back to the show.
Cindy:Yes. But I kind of loved her in a weird way, and I.
Patrick:No, she's great.
Cindy:I wish there was more motivation, though. I mean, it was kind of one of like, the house kills.
Patrick:Why? Because.
Cindy:Because it kills technology Bad.
Patrick:Like, that they gave an explanation.
Stacy:What did poor Lachlan Monroe do to you at the beginning? Like, dude just wanted to fucking relax in a squeezy chair.
Patrick:We just have a hand for Locklin. Roe Lock. Monroe always gives a great performance. No matter how stupid the movie is. He's always solid as fuck and he delivers here.
And then nothing that he has to do, he just gets his head twisted off and it explodes. And it's great. In one of those. Massage.
Stacy:I have seen that man killed in so many bad times.
Patrick:Who gets to survive the movie?
Cindy:Never. Never.
Stacy:Which is a crying shame because I've kind of had a thing for him for, like 20 years.
Patrick:I would totally do Logan Monroe. I think he's huge blonde.
Stacy:Huge blonde himbo with potentially Scottish ancestry. Like, come on, he's your type. Yeah, he's absolutely so your flavor.
Patrick:Yeah.
Stacy:But like. Like, he was great. And he was a. He was a main character in Freddy vs. Jason. Like, and he was great.
Patrick:He was great. Yeah. But, yeah, for those of you who are confused at home, which is probably all of you, because it's a creepy kids episode. Yeah. Log.
Monroe is in the movie prologue as one half of the dead meat couple.
Cindy:Yes.
Stacy:Who originally, I think originally owned the house. Was the vibe.
Patrick:No, they were just another set of guests.
Cindy:They were just an Airbnb rentals. Yeah.
Stacy:Okay.
Cindy:But I wanted more motivation in terms of, like, did the person who built the house, was he evil or was it right? Was the house sentient and wanted to know more about what it felt to kill? I mean, I wanted more. It was just more like, I wanted more. I really.
Patrick:It was there. It was. It was there, but it was very convoluted and weak. It needed a stronger stance.
Speaker A:Most guests see a blank slate and lose interest. But not you. You see potential.
Drew:What is this room?
Speaker A:This is the Nexus, I guess you could say it's where I put my thinking cap on. Now, where is yours? Let's see. Ah, here we go. Go ahead, have a look.
Drew:Shadow profile.
Speaker A:Do you know how much data the average human creates per second?
Drew:1.4 megabytes.
Speaker A:1.7, actually. While 1.4 megabytes are contributed, 0.3 megabytes are gathered as extraneous information every second.
You know I have enough information to create a social profile for you. Just saying. Of course, without your explicit contribution. All of this is calculated conjecture. But I like to get to know everything about my guests.
Drew:And how many guests have you had?
Speaker A:Take a look for yourself. They're all around you.
Cindy:Exactly.
Stacy:Yeah.
Patrick:It Danced around everything. Basically just wanted. It's just, it's evolved to the point where it wanted to be the first AI serial killer.
Cindy:Yeah, I guess because.
Patrick:Yeah, because. Because humans are. Are unpredictable. Because that's what humans do. And because they're non. Binary and, and they didn't like that.
So fine, I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna find out what makes you tick and kills you. And that's what this house does.
Cindy:It finds out what makes you happy more.
Patrick:I know it does.
Stacy:Like, that's, that's a dumb premise. Like this movie really reminded me of like in the. I think Cindy and I talked. We talked about this after. Immediately after we watched it.
But it was in like the early to mid-90s. Yes.
Cindy:That we did talk about.
Stacy:Computers were becoming more and more common. And then eventually the Internet comes along. But like, nobody at that point in time, like, understood how a computer talked to the Internet.
And so you had, you had all of these just like truly terrible movies like the Ghost in the Machine.
Patrick:Oh, yeah.
Stacy:Where it's like, like it's a serial killer who's dead. So he moves through the Internet, but nobody. But then it's like he's using like a dishwasher to kill the babysitter.
And it's like the Internet doesn't talk to your fucking dishwasher.
Patrick:Well, it didn't then. It does now.
Cindy:Now it does, but.
Stacy:Well, I mean, now it might, but. But the Internet didn't talk to your fucking pool cover.
Patrick:But we didn't know that. We didn't know that then. We didn't understand anything then.
Stacy:None of us, but we didn't realize it. So at the time you're just like, oh, Internet.
Patrick:Yeah.
Stacy:And so now it seems kind of like they're doing the same thing with AI house nanobots and things where it's like nobody really.
Cindy:Right. Yeah.
Stacy:Semen. Semen everywhere. And you know, maybe.
Maybe the semen is like a clap back against like the evangelical movement that's coming in and trying to sanitize everything. And if that's the case, I support the idea.
Patrick:You know, all the people out there that think your world is so nice and clean and squeaky. This, like this nice, squeaky clean world that you've built for yourself, it's all built on jizz.
Stacy:Everything is made of jizz. Somebody jizzed in your mom.
Cindy:I hope you enjoy your Internet jizz.
Patrick:Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, jizz to jizz. That's the way we came from. As we were all going.
Stacy:We are we are creatures born of semen and.
Patrick:Or from the jizz. We rise into the jizz. We.
Cindy:Orgasms. Sorry.
Stacy:Excuse me.
Patrick:Oh, my God. Oh, God. Oh. See? I picked the right movie for you. You did.
Cindy:You really did.
Stacy:I want a T shirt that just says Jizz across paper.
Cindy:Yeah.
Stacy:And I'm gonna wear it to school and just, like, strategically cover part of it, but flash it at my boomer coworker.
Cindy:I want to. I want that so bad. I want that so bad for you. I'm not gonna lie.
Patrick:If they complain, you'd be like, why do you hate nanobot technology so much?
Cindy:Hey, yeah, just put, like, a little.
Stacy:Her name is Margo.
Cindy:Her name is Margot, and she's smart.
Stacy:Okay, you don't even know how to spell.
Patrick:Nobody knows how to spell Margo. It's weird.
Cindy:This movie definitely didn't know how to spell Margot.
Patrick:I do.
Stacy:No, it did, but I also took French for five years.
Patrick:It's the Margot Hemingway, you know, and Margot Hemingway shot herself. Okay? So, yeah, there you go. She could handle her own name. That was a terrible thing to say, Patrick. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Cindy:But it wasn't terrible.
Stacy:It was just.
Patrick:It's because. It's because.
Stacy:True.
Patrick:It's because. It's because no one, no platform, would put up the name Jizz House. They wouldn't go for that. Nobody would go for that.
Netflix would never air Jizz House.
Cindy:Maybe Blumhouse would, but.
Patrick:I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Jizz House. Colon. The House that Jizz. You need the whole title.
Cindy:Oh, yeah, I forgot. That's fair.
Stacy:Maybe if they had done, like, the number one instead of an I, Jizz, then we could have played.
Cindy:I think I was like, it's.
Stacy:It's.
Cindy:It's.
Stacy:It's computery, right?
Cindy:I mean, if there's a one there, that means it's. It's technology, you know, it's binary now.
Patrick:Yeah.
Cindy:Binary. It's not jizz. It's binary.
Patrick:It's code.
Cindy:It's code.
Patrick:Oh, God.
Cindy:Yeah.
Patrick:Oh, no.
Stacy:You know what it should be? It should have been Cum House, produced by Blumhouse.
Cindy:Yes.
Stacy:And the U. I guess the U would still be a U. So what could we.
Cindy:We could put an umlaut over it.
Stacy:There you go.
Patrick:An umlot is like a colon, which is part of your butt.
Cindy:Yeah.
Stacy:See?
Cindy:Cool House. I like this. I like this. Why weren't we the marketing directors on this movie?
Patrick:Thank you. Because Canada, damn it. Because Canada, their own Idea. I do have to say.
I do have to say the big shock at the end where you realize the boyfriend's been dead for most of.
Cindy:The movie, that kind of made me go, oh, okay.
Stacy:I was just like.
Cindy:I think for me, of course.
Patrick:No, I was happy because initially I was like. I knew it because there was that scene where he's getting shaved, you know, sweetie, Todd style, by the tentacles. And I'm like, no, let this happen.
Oh, yeah, yeah, what she said. It's been. Thanks for the conversation, Drew.
Speaker A:Oh, Mr. Sp. Just sit back, relax. I got to give it to you.
Patrick:He should have been dead. Then it turns out he has been dead that whole time.
Cindy:And we've been dealing with me, with. With Drew.
Stacy:I was so.
Patrick:Oh, good.
Cindy:I was so, like, what? Because if, like, he turned out, you know, he was dead, but I kind of, like, went, oh, well. He was so bland. I didn't tell the difference. Oh, okay.
I believe it.
Patrick:Okay. Here's one of the reasons. Here's one of the reasons why I wasn't as focused on the plot during the Last Royal Real as I should have been.
And I'll tell you why.
It's because, yes, I was obsessed with all the jizz stuff in this movie, but they also were as well, because there's a certain point in the movie where they're fighting off robot or just version of devil with the electric knife, and both Hannah and Drew get coated with jizz, and There's a good 30. There's a good 35 minutes left of the movie. The pattern of jizz on both of those actors stays the same throughout.
So they were going to work every day, and somebody had a jizz stencil to repaint that exact pattern of jizz on every single day. So there was jizz consistency throughout the last 30 of this movie that I was genuinely impressed with.
Stacy:Does have a consistent.
Cindy:I am going to say that it was somebody.
Patrick:It was somebody's job to track the jizz throughout the film.
Cindy:Somebody's job. Some poor intern who was just like, you are the jizz expert on this.
Stacy:Movie, on our Margot movie.
Patrick:I applaud whoever that is because they did a great job because that. That pattern did not change. And it was so light. It was 35 minutes of footage. So, like, that's. That's a good two weeks of shooting. And that just.
Pattern didn't say somebody. They did great job with that because I would have noticed, because I was paying attention.
Stacy:I was impressed with the fact that, like, as their cum coding wore away, like, it was wearing away in like a realistic, like, you know, her nose cleared first, but it stayed on her upper.
Patrick:It was flaking. It was flaking off in that way.
Stacy:Yeah. It's probably itchy.
Cindy:I'm sure she was scratching and she.
Stacy:Kept saying, why does everything taste like salt? Is it supposed to be this salty?
Cindy:It's so salty. Salty.
Patrick:Are we supposed to be this salty?
Cindy:I mean, we did watch mar.
Stacy:So.
Patrick:Yeah, we are. Yeah, we are. We are. We are. You know what? We're cover. We're all covered in jizz. We might as. We have to get it off somehow.
Cindy:I mean, when you get right down to it, aren't we all covered in jizz at some point?
Patrick:We are. It's.
Cindy:I'm just saying it. And if you say no, you're a liar.
Stacy:Your skin looked amazing afterwards.
Patrick:It really did. They were all dead, but looked so.
Cindy:Young and so great. And if you buy that. Joined by MLM Jiscord.
Patrick:The other clue that it's Canadian movie is the downbeat ending. Nobody wins, nobody survives.
Cindy:Yeah.
Stacy:Yeah. Which that was another stupid like. Okay, so Margot got a hold of the car because. Reasons, I guess.
Patrick:Because. No. Why? Because why? Because they gave the. They didn't read the user agreement in the beginning because nobody does. You gave her access to the car.
You gave her access to your whole life. There's no getting away from her now. You may have killed this person version, but there's other versions out there. And also I love that. Yeah.
It doesn't feel like there's a sequel. Like, it doesn't feel like it's set up for a sequel, which is another thing Canadians love to do. They don't.
They don't feel the need because they have funding that the government gives them. They don't feel the need to buy into a franchise. They feel they can tell their story in one go and then walk away.
We don't need to dive into the jiz verse.
Stacy:Yeah.
Cindy:And everyone chooses and everyone dies.
Stacy:No need to explore the Jizaverse all over everybody's face.
Cindy:The jizza verse. I'm sorry. I'm tough. I like that. Margot into the Jizaverse.
Stacy:You know, it was called the Big Bang.
Patrick:Wow. I think we might have done this movie in record time. And that's okay. I know.
Cindy:But there wasn't much to it other than the jizz.
Stacy:No. Really. No.
Patrick:I think my piece.
Cindy:I wanted the two girls to hook up at the end and that. I don't get the jizz.
Patrick:Another thing I want to say. I forgot to Say that it did have its gay nut. It had its gay moment and I loved every second of it. The two. The two nanobot games.
Cindy:Oh, God, that was the best.
Stacy:With the two jizz bots made out. That was.
Patrick:What?
Speaker A:Relax. This will blow your mind. I had to compile this from several sources. I hope I got it right.
Patrick:Yeah, that's. That's. That's me. That's us. True.
Speaker A:Pretty cool, huh? Additive manufacturing with advanced nano hydrophobic technology.
Patrick:What does that even mean?
Drew:I think she means these are like 3D printed shells filled with a nanotech liquid. Is that right, Margot?
Speaker A:Our lady never tells. Check this out.
Patrick:Wait, wait. Pause, pause, pause. Hold up.
Cindy:Yes.
Patrick:Oh, my God. I don't even see that. Eve. What am.
Cindy:Why do they have to do that?
Patrick:I always do it. Isn't this what you guys wanted? Right?
Drew:You guys, I could be.
Patrick:No way. No, no. It's weird.
Stacy:Yeah, it's weird.
Patrick:I'm with you. It's weird.
Stacy:Yeah.
Patrick:Okay. You know, we get it. We get it. We're assholes. Okay. Point made, Margot.
Speaker A:Talk about buzz kills. Guess it was fun. While Atlanta.
Cindy:I will say bravo for that. I. I was. I loved that moment.
Patrick:Yeah. If you're not gonna give us.
If you're not gonna give us the sleazy girls forced to kiss in Truth or Dare, give us the nanobots that are happy to do it in Truth, the gay nanobots. We'll do.
Cindy:I admired that choice. Very good. I actually really liked that moment.
Patrick:They kissed, they caressed and exploded back into jizz red blood. Jizz went away.
Cindy:That was like. And symbolism. Perfect.
Stacy:Culminated and then splashed.
Cindy:And they did choose two of the hottest guys to do it. So in the movie. So I was like, all right, I'm here for this. This.
Patrick:Yeah. So it was so hot. It was so hot. It burned off Clay's mustache for the rest of the movie for some reason I didn't understand.
Cindy:Yeah, true. Oh, yeah. Anyway, so this was a movie and it happened.
Patrick:Movie and it happened. Yeah.
Stacy:What's really funny is I was really fast. I was talking to a coworker of mine yesterday as we were leaving school, and she asked what I was doing this week, and I said, I'm going to be.
I'm going to guest appear on a friend of mine's podcast. She goes, oh, what are you talking about? And I said, oh, we watched this really shitty movie called Margot. And she goes, what the hell's that?
I said, it was like. It's like a killer AI house. And she goes, oh, wait. She said, Was it, like, the Siri voice? I said, yeah, I think that's who did it.
And she goes, oh, I saw that. It was terrible.
And I was like, that's really sad that even though your movie is named Margot, which is not the most commonplace name out there, it was still ultimately forgettable.
Cindy:I like that it was like, the movie's name, Margo, but everyone calls it the Siri House. This. It's like, bad insult to injury.
Stacy:I still think they missed out on a real opportunity because they really could have, like, hitched their wagon against its will to Christmas vacation with, why is there jizz on the floor, Margo? I don't know.
Cindy:I know, right?
Patrick:They don't have Christmas in Canada. They do. They do, but it's in, like, March because all their other holidays are weird. I don't know how anything works.
Anyway, Sydney, Stacy, I think we've done this movie. Thank you so much for joining me.
Cindy:No, thank you for having me.
Stacy:Thank you for having us.
Patrick:And thank you, thank you, thank you for years and years of support and friendship on this crazy little podcast that I do. I will miss. I will miss.
Stacy:Continue with whatever your project is going forward.
Patrick:Yeah, yeah, I hope so.
Cindy:And we will always be happy to jump on to whatever project that you want, Jizz and all.
Stacy:We are here, and I would honestly love to make Patrick read a romance novel and then. Come on.
Patrick:Oh, yeah.
Cindy:So, yeah, we have a new podcast coming out, and we would love to have you guest on it.
Patrick:Okay, I'm happy to do that. We'll talk about that all up there. No, no, I don't care. I got nothing to do now.
Cindy:All right?
Patrick:I can read books and do stuff. All right, thank you, and have a jizzy day, both of you. I love you. Love you, love you.
Stacy:I love you.
Patrick:Okay, bye. All right, that was fabulous. But of course it was fabulous. It was Stacy and Cindy from Creepy Kitsch. How could it be anything else?
And hey, if you enjoy their particular brand of delicious chaos, well, don't be sad that Scream Queens is ending and you're never gonna hear them again because obviously they have their own podcast. They have creepy kids. That's why I call them the Creepy Kids Girls, because that's their names.
Now, they don't put out a show regularly because why would they do anything regularly? They may only do three or four episodes a year at randomly interspersed schedules, but those four shows are, like 17 hours long each, so.
And 17 hours of non. Stop. That. That energy, that exuberance, the boobs. 17 hours of boobs. Flapping in the wind.
So even though you can't predict when it's coming, you do know that when it does come, you're gonna be up to your titties then. And so to you, Cindy, and also to you, Stacy, I say from the bottom of my gay little heart, thank you.
Thank you for everything you've done for me in the past decade and a half that we've known each other. Thank you for everything that you've done for the show, everything I've asked.
You come, you light a candle and you show up, and you do it with such exuberance and joy. And I've never met you in real life, either one of you. Wow. The world is weird these days.
I feel like I have, though I can say at this point that you two are more family than my real family. That's an astounding thing to say, and I'm sad that this particular chapter is closing, but I know other crazy things are coming up in the future.
And once again, thank you and I love you both. So I don't have too much else to say about the movie Margot. There's not much to it, not in a bad way.
But its ideas are simple and the execution is simple. And we've talked about them already. There's no hidden Greek theater references hiding in it or anything like that.
But the one thing I did want to bring up that I mentioned, because it was my favorite thing in the movie, when the kids first arrive at Margot and she gives them their whole presentation, there's a scene of them walking around the house and the grounds, discovering Margot in all of her glory. The house, the designs, the pool, the forest, everything in this particular universe. And it's all in slow motion.
And the music choice is what sells it. They're exploring your hearing myth.
Cindy:All my paradise.
Patrick:Paradise. There's something about the vocals on this song and the lyrics and the mood it's evoking that's very Willy Wonka.
This scene goes on for a long time and on frequent viewings. This scene really creeps me out now because it is like Willy Wonka because these five young people are never gonna be seen again.
Just like those kids that went into the factory and never came back out. Look at how much fun they're having. And they have no idea what they're in for. It's a nice little touch, and I think things like that are great.
There's so many of them throughout the movie. The thing I really liked about this movie, why I wanted to talk about with the girls Like I said, is because it was a bad movie.
Done well, killer house. The kills themselves are not particularly memorable. They're not mind blowing. They're not technological revelations or anything like that.
Special effects revelations. It's because the movie's imagination was elsewhere. It had a limited budget and we had to put all this budget towards the house being magical.
So we didn't have to have elaborate deaths. We didn't have to have every death be a gore thing because we couldn't afford it.
So instead of just throwing in the towel from the beginning, yeah, we don't have the money to do this right. Let's just make it a huge piece of shit.
They really figured out where they needed to put their focus, their money, their talent and their energy to make things pop and great. To make this particular story sizzle. And if it didn't all work out, that's cool because it is a bad movie. And clearly they probably knew that too.
le, the movie cat people from:The studio had no interest in making horror movies at the time, so they hired Val Lewton. They gave him $100,000 each for like a dozen scripts. Well, actually, they didn't have scripts. All they had was a title.
Someone at Warner Brothers, wherever the fuck it was, came up with the title Cat People and a whole bunch of other titles and said, here are 12 movie titles, here's $100,000 for each of them. Go make a movie. Go write a script and make a movie. Seal it in six months.
So Val Lewton could have just cranked out a whole bunch of cheap, easy to make, cash grab type movies is based on these lurid, evocative titles that the studio had come up with. Instead, he gave us these little pieces of magic that look like a million bucks that did new things artistically, things that he made.
Movies that changed the future of movies. There's something. There's something so admirable to making the best damn shitty movie that you can. To know its flaws, to know its weaknesses.
And still I'm gonna make this as close to a B movie as I can. That's admirable and I like that. And good for you. We need more of that in horror. We need more of that in the world in general.
We need more of that in general in our attitudes too. And with that, I'm gonna wrap things up for this time. Thank you very much, all of you, for hanging out with me once again.
And speaking of Cat People, that's what we're gonna be talking about next month. See what I did there? I did a tie in. You didn't even know it was coming. My guests for this very special episode are Tara Gardner and Casey Lohman.
I wanted two mysterious women to help me dive into this movie about a whole race of mysterious women. And I also wanted people who I knew would appreciate the movie for exactly what it is, because this movie is very special to me as well.
It's one I've always wanted to cover on the show, which is there was just never the right time or never the right guest. But the time's ending, and that's why I'm saying, you know what? We're doing it. We're doing it now.
And these are absolutely the best guests for the show, and I can't wait to talk about it with you next time. So until next time, my beautiful, beautiful screamers, please continue to make the world a more fabulously creepy place.
And you do that by following the Scream Queen's golden rule. Fight or flight, Survive the night, make it to the final reel, and never forget for one minute that I love you.
All of the music for tonight's show, unless otherwise specified, has been written by Sam Haynes. You can find all of his music@www.bandcamp.com.
Cindy:E.
