Damn You, Uncle Lewis - "Vanity's Mirror"
Note: We skipped ahead a few shows for this episode, because of REASONS. We'll return to the regular schedule and cover "Shadow Boxer" next month.
The "We Hate Uncle Lewis Club" is back in session for another deep dive into FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES as we discuss Season One Episode Seven: "Vanity's Mirror".
In Vanity's Mirror, a compact that carries a deadly love curse falls into the hands of a tormented high school girl who uses it to lure her bullies to their grisly deaths.
This is the episode that really put Friday the 13th on the map, because of its tight script, vicious kills, and a gleefully demented villain...plus one ostentatious fez!
You can expect:
- Compacter Smooshes!
- Table Saw Headaches!
- Baby Zach Ward!
- Dirty Feet!
- Lettuce Sandwiches!
- Colonial Williamsburg Hair!
- Insight, wisdom and sass talk from Patrick, Maya & Trae.
Sadly, all Friday the 13th: The Series episodes have been removed from every platform I searched, so "Vanity's Mirror" is not currently available to stream.
Please consider picking up the DVD box set with the black-and-white skull cover. You can find them preowned on eBay for $25-30.
Mentioned in this episode:
Network Plug with music
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Transcript
Hey, everybody, before we start the show, there's just a couple of things I want to let you know about. First of all, no, you're not losing your mind. We've gone out of order. It's just a one time thing.
The episode that we're supposed to be doing is Shadow Boxer, if we were going chronologically. But for this one instance, I made the executive decision to jump ahead to Vanity's Mirror. There was a lot going on at the time.
I was particularly down and I find Shadow Boxer to be an incredibly dark episode. I mean, they're all dark, but darker than usual episode. And I didn't feel up to talking about it. It was my birthday.
I abused the privilege and said, we're going out of order. It's my show, damn it. So we did Vanity's Mirror instead. I thought about putting the episodes back in order the way they're supposed to be.
But the energy changes in this episode. This episode is when Maya really fell in love with the show for the first time and it changes things.
So I didn't want to interrupt that kind of a flow.
The other thing I want to let you know about is that if you've been watching Friday the 13th the series episodes on YouTube, most of them have been pulled. Most of them have been pulled from the Internet in general.
I can't find them on dailymotion, I can't find them on Vimeo, I can't find them on YouTube. They're slowly disappearing. I'm going to do my best to find links for you to watch them, but at this point there's not much I can do.
However, there is a perfectly good box set out there that's available relatively cheaply. When I checked last week, they were on sale at Best Buy, much cheaper than they were at Amazon.
So I will put links down there in the show notes if you want to buy the box set of the show because it's worth it. How dare they try to deprive you of your delicious Canadian crazy TV show. Okay, I'm Bablin, so I'm gonna stop talking and start the show. Oh, hello.
Come in, come in, come in. Do come in out of the terrible weather. Oh, welcome, welcome to my very curious curio shop.
Although I hate to inform you the shop is closed for tonight because there's a. Well, it's a rather special evening. It's our monthly meeting of sorts. So unless you're here for the meeting, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
The nature of the meeting, you ask Let me put it to you this way. Sometimes Uncle Louis does dreadful things. Welcome to Damn you, Uncle Lewis, the Friday the 13th series retrospective podcast.
So welcome back, everybody. Welcome back to my very curious curio shop.
Maya:Yay.
Patrick:Yay. It's so wonderful that you're attending the meeting and helping support this very important cause and. And. And. And. And helping our way through our.
I don't know. Breath. I don't know what? I don't know. Whatever.
Let's just talk shit about Uncle Lewis, for Christ's sake. Here to provide much needed snark and to make sure none of y' all have shoplifted nothing. My two favorite shopkeeps, Trae Dea, and Maya Murphy.
Maya:Hi. I ain't no snitch, though. Ain't no snitch. You want to steal something cursed, it's yours now. Have fun.
Patrick:I just want a cut.
Maya:Hey.
Patrick:Hey. Nothing. Nothing. Cursed in my curio. Curio shop. Thank you.
Maya:Oh, oh, of course, of course.
Trae:They got pills for that.
Patrick:Thank you. Yes.
Trae:Not cursed anymore.
Patrick:Okay, not cursed yet. I might do just a bit nice at the cash register. All right, all right.
Ryan:Here you.
Patrick:Hear, hear you. This meeting up that we. Ha. Uncle Lewis club is called to order. Order, order, order, order, order. What we're here to talk about, all right?
Not just talk about each other. Talk about this.
We are here to talk about the awful things that Uncle Lewis keeps putting us through week after week after week, even though he's dead. And this week, we're talking about the episode Shadow Boxer.
Trae:No.
Patrick:Oh, yes, we are.
Trae:Oh. Oh, okay.
Patrick:But I. But, but, but, but I like butts. Do you like big butts? Because I can't lie.
Maya:Oh, I'm full of lies. I like many shapes of butts.
Trae:Everyone's got a but. Let's talk about your big butt.
Maya:Let's talk about your big butt.
Patrick:That's a different podcast. Uncle Lewis got a great big butt. No, I. I already contacted Maya and Trae earlier in the week.
I know we're supposed to be talking about Shadow Boxer, but I. I decided to use the one cursed object left in the store.
Maya:Ah,.
Patrick:The curse podcaster mic, which only works on their birthday, where you can change the episode that you're going to talk about.
So we're actually going to be talking about Vanity's Mirror, because that's one of my favorite episodes because I don't like Shadow Boxer and I didn't want to talk about shitty shit on my birthday.
Trae:This was a great episode.
Maya:Yes, it was.
Patrick:And the curse. The Downside of the curse was that I had to take Smoochie to the vet, and I lost seven of my phalanges in the process.
Trae:Smoochie. But crazy.
Patrick:She don't like. She don't like the crate, man. She do not like the crate. And she a big girl. She can just take me out.
Maya:Speaking of big butts. Oh, I have an unrelated cat thought for you later. If you remind me, all cats are.
Patrick:All cat thoughts are related on any. Any Scream Queen's production.
Maya:No, I had a friend who, like, grinds her own cat food and apparently reducing the amount of grain in her cat who had thyro problems diet helped his weight.
Trae:That sounds like work.
Maya:That sounds. That sounds hard.
Patrick:It also says very medieval. Just like.
Maya:Yeah, I know. Go vegetarian. Going full Sweeney Todd on their cat food. In the.
Patrick:What are we talking about? We're talking about the movie the. The episode Vanity's Mirror, because that is one of my favorites. I had to say, watching this one this time, I was like, they really tightened up a lot in the episode that we did.
Trae:Oh, they did.
Patrick:I mean, the script is tight. The characters are tight. There's no real side floof. And one of the. One of the assets of it is that our heroes are barely in it.
Maya:Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right.
Trae:And we got Prime Robey in this one.
Patrick:Yeah. Trae's right foot agrees. He's like, I didn't press.
Maya:Oh, my. I keep forgetting to take this call with my feet in the background, and I'm gonna. One of these days,.
Patrick:It just kind of appeared. I am. I am recording this video. That part's staying in whatever I edited down to that's. So here's what's going on behind the scenes.
Vanity's Mirror was directed by our good friend William Fruet. William Fruet, the most prolific director of Friday the 13th, the series.
He directed 10 episodes, including the pilot show, the Inheritance, and Scarecrow this season. You would also know him for the movies Funeral Home and Killer Party. We have two screenwriters for Vanity's Mirror, Ray Sallows and Ira Levant.
Ray Sallows did five episodes of Friday the 13th, the series, including Badge of Honor and Bottle of Dreams. Ira Levitt, this was the only thing you wrote, so. Hey, thanks, Ira. You wrote a great show.
Maya:Great. So the first note I have is how many episodes start with buying flowers?
Patrick:Well, that's what I was. Okay, we're not there yet, but I was gonna. I have to write a letter to Frank Mancuso Jr. And, like, what is going on with Your anti. Florist tirades.
You know, this anti. This whole, like, agenda that you have.
Maya:Sketchy, like, flower salesman of the night. Like, it's always dark out with a nice.
Trae:With a nice machine printed sign.
Maya:Yeah. With like a gorgeous, like, cut vinyl sign. Nice. Nice little stand.
Trae:But she could afford that. But she couldn't afford chapstick. There's a lot of chapstick.
Patrick:There's a lot going on in this episode. There's a lot going on in the episode. So. Yeah. Okay, so before we go any further, why did we just. Who. Who did.
Do you remember who did the summary last time?
Trae:I think Maya did.
Maya:Yeah, I totally.
Patrick:Sure. Yeah. Okay, so trade. Just foot. My left foot. My right. My other foot. Yes.
Trae:Okay. It's about this time. The.
It's a compact that when you flash the sun from it in someone's eyes, they fall in love with you, and it falls to the hands of a really, really, really cunty, ugly high school. Uses Helen, who is actually a pretty good villain, but she's.
Maya:Yeah, she was surprisingly strong.
Trae:Yeah, there was a lot going on. It was actually kind of an emote emotion.
Patrick:Yeah. This one had layers and. And characters you cared about.
Maya:Yeah, layers. And we went on a journey and there was an arc and, like, there was a lesson at the end, and it wasn't the lesson I expected, and it was great.
Patrick:And there was no incest.
Trae:Whoa.
Maya:Yeah, that's gonna come back, though. Like, don't get my hopes up.
Patrick:What we lost in the process was Jack-cents and Jacksplaining. Yeah.
Maya:Yeah, that was really great.
Patrick:Yeah. And you actually got to see the cuddly side of Jack this episode.
Maya:Yeah. And that was great, too.
Patrick:A little bit way. A little bit towards the end, I was like, ah, there he is. That's the guy I like. That guy had a crush on when I was in high school. I did.
I had a crush on Jack. Okay. There I said, I just.
Maya:I just learned something about you. That's great.
Patrick:No, he's nice. He's like. I just remembered him as this really nice character in these first episodes. I'm like, you're really kind of a pill.
Maya:Oh, no.
Watching the. The beginning of this series, he reminds me of every icky man who goes, I can hit on you at the bar because you know I'm joking.
And I'm like, it's not cool. You can't do that.
Patrick:But you're like. You're gay.
Maya:No, the number. The number of gay men who think it's okay. To grope me. Oh, my God. I will strangle all of them.
Patrick:No, that ain't right. That ain't right. That ain't right. That goes both ways.
Maya:Like me.
Trae:Yes.
Patrick:Yes. Well done, girl. Bring it around. Yes.
Maya:It's like the scarecrow says, some people go both ways.
Patrick:And he's pointing at Maya.
Maya:Some people do go both ways. Yeah. Both fingers.
Patrick:Okay. Yeah. This episode's a hoot. I really like this episode a lot. I think, like I said, the journeys and the layers. And the cast is great.
Trae:Yeah, they are. Very good cast.
Patrick:The girl who plays Helen is fantastic.
Maya:She's great.
Patrick:And she's actually gone on to. Ingrid Veninger. She's gone on to have quite a career. She's actor, producer, writer. She actually won a Genie Award.
Maya:Wow.
Patrick:Canadian Academy Award for a documentary. She does documentary stuff all the time. And I think she's fantastic. Little career.
Trae:I looked her up and she's still doing some stuff.
Patrick:Yeah, they all are, except for the sister. Okay. Who I also thought was great.
Maya:Yeah.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:One of the things I liked about this episode is that. Yes. You've got. First of all. First of all, it's got a Carrie feel to it, because it's.
Ryan:Oh.
Maya:It's like, oh, yeah, Carrie. We got a little bit of Heather's also.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:But. But what I thought was interesting was that she's not anyone you feel sorry for.
Trae:No.
Patrick:She's actually a nasty little person.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick:And there are people in her life who care about her and she does not see it.
Maya:Yeah. They're trying. And she's like, everyone deserves to die.
Patrick:And this whole thing is like. It's a revenge plot against her sister, who is, like, the one person who's always on her side.
Maya:Oh, my God. And she's trying. She doesn't say it so hard.
Trae:You know, we never sure if she was just nasty to begin with or if a compact was influencing her, but she was terrible.
Maya:She was really bad.
Trae:She's so bitter.
Patrick:Well, you know, the. The item. The items find the people, not the other way around. So. Yeah. So I think she was just nasty already. And it just solidified it.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:And also. Also, Zach Ward is in this episode.
Trae:I know. He was so good. I got such a crush on him. He's such a cute.
Patrick:Oh, God. You know what? It's not right with the universe that the kid who allegedly had green teeth and yellow eyes grew up that hot.
Trae:Exactly.
Patrick:Scott.
Maya:Scott.
Patrick:Scott Farkas from Christmas Story. Yeah. The bully from Christmas Story.
Trae:Yeah. Yeah.
Maya:That's who that was. I was staring at him going, I know you. I know you. I know you.
Patrick:Well, I was supposed to know him. He does tons of sci fi work. He still works now.
Trae:He works all the time.
Patrick:Zack Ward, the hunky Zack Ward. Hunky genre, heavy genre. Working. Zach Ward. Zach Ward is most famous for playing Scott Farkas, the villain in A Christmas Story.
As you mentioned earlier, this is his only Friday the 13th series.
Maya:He's.
Patrick:He was in Freddy versus Jason. He's done so much stuff, like, so many credits I can't even begin to list, but he's still working right now.
And most recently, he just put out a movie called Based on the original Night of the Living Dead, and he played Doc Hawk in Marvel Adventures.
Maya:So secret About Me, I don't learn an actor's name unless I, like, deliberately go to their IMDb page and, like, say their name out loud several times. Otherwise, they just, like, come and go in my brain. It doesn't mean their work isn't good. They aren't significant.
It just means I didn't put in, like, half an hour to learning their name arbitrarily.
Patrick:Okay, so you didn't see. You didn't see him half naked in. Actually fully naked in Freddy versus Jason?
Trae:I was gonna say who dat?
Patrick:Who, dad?
Trae:Who dad? He's good.
Maya:I don't think I saw all of Freddy versus Jason. I think I caught some of it close to when it came out.
Patrick:It was. It was cute. A while ago, he got married and he announced it on Twitter, and I was like, zach, how could you?
I was just about to propose, and he wrote back. He's like, my heart could only wait so long.
Trae:Patrick, that's so good.
Maya:Wow. It's nice to be appreciated.
Patrick:Yeah, it is. It is, it is. Thank you for. Thank you for responding to my absolutely creepy tweet. But the whole thing. This.
This whole thing is set up like, we'll get into the plot in a minute, but because we have this opening scene with the flower person, the flower woman that we mentioned earlier. And the scene's going one way, but as soon as we cut to Curious Goods, the whole episode came to an absolute stop.
Because I can't talk about this episode without talking about Micki's outfit.
Maya:Oh, my gosh, Micki's outfit.
Patrick:So she started coming up. She started coming down the stairs, and I was like, where are we? Does she have some sort of Greek Orthodox, Turkish genie organ grinder?
What's happening?
Maya:So she has an embroidered hat.
Patrick:Is she maybe at the Temple of.
Maya:Doom with a long Beaded tassel that makes it like past her cheekbones. She has a bolero with those, you know, Big pronounced 80s sleeves. Then she also has an underbust corset on corset.
Patrick:But it's attached to the jacket.
Maya:I watched it again.
Patrick:I'm like, that's a one piece. What an impossible item of clothing to get into. And I don't know who designed this shit. I wrote that.
Maya:It looks so good. It looks so good that I couldn't be mad.
Trae:No, no, you couldn't. She pulled it off.
Patrick:No, it looks so good. But it doesn't belong in the scene. Like kind of say, like probably.
I realize that, but I'm going like, you just showed up for work on a regular day wearing that.
Trae:It's.
Patrick:It's nobody. Birdie walked into the store. Okay. It always comes back to Birdie. Birdie walked into the store and that new dress.
And everybody was like, ew, nice dress, Birdie. And nobody's mentioned in this outfit. Come on. Now.
Maya:My only complaint about the outfit is in order to fit it into the fez. Her hair is straigh. So we lose all the glorious ruby volume in the hair.
Patrick:But she's got that finger wave in the front. Yeah, that's gorgeous. Yeah, it was long ponytail and it has dyed like extra red. This episode died extra red.
Maya:But when we finally see her without the hat at the end of the episode, you could see where she was like growing out her bang. So there's like this giant mullet disparity in length in the back.
Trae:Well, I got notes on what she's wearing later on the episode.
Maya:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Patrick:Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Because even like what I thought was great, like later on in the episode when she's supposed to be like undercover, like black sneaking around like burglar outfit, I'm going, you're even more conspicuous now for some reason and I don't know why.
Maya:Oh, but that's like when I try to dress normal and pass for normal people. Go, you're. I see you wearing Banana Republic. But like something is up with that.
Patrick:At a cellular level. Your body's just rejecting it.
Maya:Like an organ.
Patrick:Okay. Surprisingly enough, this is not my fashion choice.
Maya:Oh, okay.
Patrick:I think, I think it's gorgeous. We'll come back to it.
Trae:For both Micki and Ryan, but we'll get to it.
Patrick:Oh, I didn't even. Ryan didn't even register much because every time he was on camera, that outfit was on camera. And I just kept analyzing.
I'm going, yep, the corset's attached. Is that. Does she have extensions in or is that all really her hair? I don't. I was. Who's gay? Who's gay? Who's gay?
Maya:Everyone's gay.
Trae:There's one scene that was the wine. We'll get to later, but.
Patrick:Oh, God, maybe.
So, okay, we go back to the opening of the episode and once again we have this anti florist agenda that they're pushing because there's a night, there's a. There's a woman selling flowers in the street. What happens?
Maya:Selling flowers?
Patrick:Sylvia, the poor little flower lady out in the street in the cold.
Maya:So some business guy comes to buy flowers and she's like, do I look like a woman to you?
Sylvia:You look real nice tonight, sir.
Mr. Manninger:Thank you.
Sylvia:Your change, sir. Your hand is so warm. Mr. Manninger. You come here every day, Buy your flower. But do you see me?
Mr. Manninger:I really have to get going. I'm sorry.
Sylvia:Do you look at me?
Sylvia:Do you think she's a woman?
Mr. Manninger:Keep the change.
Sylvia:full of love and needs.
Mr. Manninger:This is ridiculous.
Maya:What do you think about me? I see you every night. What do you think about me? And it's like so weird.
And being a queer from my generation, I wrote hey, artist got a dollar because rent is turned into my brain and it's never coming out. The homeless lady in Rent has a completely legitimate point and this woman does not.
Trae:Nope.
Patrick:No, no.
Maya:But like you said, the cursed items seek out the people. So I guess she was just a flower lady.
Patrick:Yeah. And we find out later, find out later that like, like, apparently she was very popular, had an active social life and she had lots of men.
Maya:Okay, okay. Yeah. But that they just said she active social life because they couldn't call her a slut in Canadian television.
Trae:And she looks like chapped lips and nasty teeth.
Maya:Yeah, she has like the teeth brown gel in like. She looks awful.
Patrick:And actually she had a house.
Trae:I thought she was homeless because she looked.
Maya:Oh, yeah, we do go to her apartment. I guess she's not homeless. I guess she's just like, icky.
Trae:Yeah, she did gross.
Patrick:She's gross. Which also is a running theme for apparently the people with the combat.
Trae:Yep.
Patrick:As we find out later, Helen is not just like nerdy and picked on. She gross. We'll come back to that.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick:Because I was like.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick:So what happens is she. The guy rejects her. She flashes the compact at him, he looks into it and immediately falls in love with her.
Sylvia:You think you're too good for me? You turn around and look at me, mister.
Mr. Manninger:You Are. You're truly beautiful.
Mr. Manninger:I don't know why I've never noticed you before.
Mr. Manninger:I mean, I've noticed you before, but.
Mr. Manninger:I used to think.
Mr. Manninger:Forgive me. I used to think you were ugly. I never. I never really saw you.
Sylvia:Let's go somewhere that's private
Patrick:I thought was interesting. This whole episode is a flip. Like a better written version of Cupid's quiver.
Maya:Yeah, yeah, so much better.
Trae:But there didn't seem to be any kind of trade off. Like you make someone fall in love with you and then you have to kill them.
Patrick:I don't think any of them were. Either Helen or Sylvia were using the mirror for love. It was for revenge.
Trae:Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah.
Patrick:I'm gonna make you beg. I'm gonna make you beg for it.
Maya:Then I'm gonna kill you with this ladder in an alley.
Jack:You're the kind of girl I dreamed of spending my life with.
Ryan:But you didn't have no time for me before you insulted me.
Jack:You ignored me, but I was blind before.
Patrick:Now I can see. Now I love you.
Ryan:But will you love me till the day you die?
Jack:Until the day I die.
Ryan:I'm so glad to hear you. You say that.
Maya:No, no, no, no.
Ryan:You look so fine in that light.
Maya:The same alley we shoot in every episode.
Patrick:Yeah. Jack's like, could you please get the lights out of the alley, please? Some of us are trying to have intercourse.
Trae:So you go to the alley either to get killed or the.
Maya:Or to make jokes about birds.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:Yep.
Patrick:Free as a bird. But no turkey.
Maya:I can't.
Trae:I can't.
Patrick:Oh, yeah.
And she. And she. Yeah.
So she leads this guy in the alley and the key, key phrase, just like in Cupid's quiver, it seemed to be like he had to kill people as soon as they said. Like he had to kill the women.
Maya:As soon as the woman's like, I'd love you to the last day of my life. Or do you love me to death?
Patrick:I love you till the day I love you the day I die.
Maya:They all. Yeah, that seemed to be part of the curse. They had to say that out loud.
Patrick:Well, it's great she's luring him into this house. She's like, let's go somewhere more private behind these garbage cans.
Trae:He's just smitten.
Patrick:And he's just smitten. He's just gushing about it like, I thought he was so ugly, but I can just see them spending the rest of it.
And meanwhile, she's just like, could you just take three steps to the Left. Okay, there's the mark. There's an X on the ground.
Maya:Like Wiley Coyote, a big X.
Patrick:Find your mark.
Maya:Find your mark.
Trae:And you're slowly hitting the lever to do the. The ladder.
Patrick:Slowly she drops the fire escape on his head and crushes him.
Maya:Yep, Yep.
Patrick:It was cool, but it was, it was okay. It was very. It was very. Final Destination two. Two, two, two, two.
Trae:Yeah, yeah.
Patrick:Final Destination two. That happened. I'm like, huh? Somebody was watching that in Hollywood. But. But she's so happy. She's so happy. She's unbelievable. What happens?
Trae:She runs out and she gets hit by a car and killed. I laughed so hard.
Ryan:Gotta go now.
Trae:It just happened so quickly.
Patrick:Sylvia, look both ways. Sylvia, come on now.
Trae:And it was just so quick that I just. I laughed because it was so funny.
Patrick:Well, I just liked it too, because it's you. Because normally the way these things go, the villain that you're meeting at the beginning is the villain you're gonna follow all the way through.
When we get. We now all of a sudden, you just pulled the rug out from under.
Maya:No, we know our cursed item. Neat.
Trae:And she's so happy, she's like scampering away, just hahahaha.
Patrick:And you see a car, her face.
Trae:Just changes and go, ah.
Patrick:And the little extra bear driving the.
Maya:Car was like, yeah, I loved that reaction.
Patrick:Throwing some love to our flower woman and her victim. There they were, respectively Gail Chorian and James Loxley, both actors. This is the only screen credit that they have. Thank you both.
You may not have worked much, but what you did left quite an impression. All the problems that I have have nothing to do with the story and nothing to do with the actors. It all has to do with production and they're minor.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick:And they're funny. They're funny as hell. So I'm gonna spend my time on them, but they're. They're not affecting my.
My enjoyment of this particular episode at all is that now we cut to like, Sylvia's body in the road and there's that crowd of Canadian extras all like hovered in like three feet, like leaning down, like, just what are you doing? But yet nobody's doing anything because you're extras. It's that whole thing that we talked about earlier.
We're like, oh my gosh, we should do something. There's somebody being stabbed in a florist. Dead florist. And people should just go stab. And watch. There's no standing Mary Lou's.
They're all just gawking at her and. And that's where we see Helen. Helen's like, oh, look, she dropped something in the road. Someone flying over her dead.
And can I just say, I know it's called a compact. Was this an ironically named compact? Because this is huge.
Maya:I think it had to be big enough so we could arbitrarily put a snake on it so you know it's evil.
Patrick:Yeah, that's. That snake is hot glued.
Maya:Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not how that was made. It was. Oh, guys, I know what to put on this.
They got, like a little plastic rubber toy, painted it gold and glued it on there.
Patrick:It's. It's very big. Like, you could take out one of those gigantic, like, circus level makeup powder puffs in there. Wow.
Trae:Wow.
Patrick:Very big. So now we cut to curious goods. And then I don't know what happened for a while because Micki came down the stairs at the beginning. I'm like,.
Maya:Mine says, where is Robey's hair? Two question marks. She wears a fez, all caps, corset, bolero.
Trae:Yep. I got Robey clothes and hat, corset, castle, explanation point,.
Patrick:Organ grinder, Greek Orthodox, Temple of Doom, Victorian genie.
Maya:Yeah, her notes are better because she had.
Patrick:What we left off is that she had hammer pants on.
Maya:Oh, I tried to forget the hammer pants.
Patrick:Yeah, well, you have to take in the whole ensemble, but.
Trae:Yeah, but they actually did say something kind of interesting. That one section about how they've collected, like 15 artifacts.
Patrick:23.
Jack:Well, I think that's pretty good. That's 23 cursed objects that we've recovered.
Ryan:23 Locked in the vault, safe and sound. We're doing pretty good.
Micki:That's still less than 10% of the objects in the manifest. It's just not fast enough.
Ryan:What do you want us to do?
Hire more staff maybe?
Jack:Oh, sure. Watch them make off with the merchandise. You know, the trouble. Trouble with evil is it's very tempting.
It's very hard to find paragons of virtue such as ourselves.
Ryan:Yeah.
Jack:Now we just have to take it one step at a time, Micki.
Maya:But it's only the 15th episode, which means they've been working hard when we weren't looking.
Patrick:Yeah, there were some ones that just, you know, somebody just was like, okay, here.
Maya:Oh, here it is.
Trae:We found it.
Maya:Yay.
Trae:And they're already talking about the compact for some reason.
Patrick:I was just next. Oh, well, Ryan was like, okay. They were just trying. I think they said, oh, there's 230 more to get back. And Ryan, which one do we do?
And he goes, let's do use the scientific method. And he went, bing. You know, just flips a bunch of pages and pointed randomly. And it was the compact.
Ryan:Then what do we go after today? Well, why don't we use the scientific method? Here we go. One gold compact sold to Sylvia Unger. The address is in town.
Maya:Yeah. They read it out of the book,.
Trae:And they're looking in the newspaper at the story of the woman being killed.
Maya:And there's a picture of Helen in the newspaper.
Trae:In the background.
Maya:Picking up the compact in the background is a stretch. Her face is visible or jacket's visible. Her face?
Trae:Yeah, her face and her jacket.
Patrick:Her face is. And her jacket are physical. And like, she's in this pose. Like, she would have been cropped out of the photo.
Maya:Yeah,.
Trae:But looking at the.
Patrick:But it's a hilarious but again, that's a production issue.
Trae:Well, and they can tell that what high school she goes to because she's wearing a high school jacket.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick:And there's only. There's only one high school in the city. Well, no, no.
Trae:And also, this is the whole thing about America.
Patrick:Lincoln High School, they double down on that one.
Trae:But here's the thing. They kept calling it a high school jacket. And it's really. Like, for me, it was letterman jacket.
Maya:It was the letterman jacket.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:And Helen is not.
Patrick:She's on the Gross Club.
Maya:She's the only member of Gross Club.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:Yeah, yeah. I figured it was like one of her sister's old boyfriends. That's my story. Because it didn't fit. It didn't.
Maya:That's good. Head cannon. I like that.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:Yeah. And Joanne doesn't want it anymore. So, sure, Helen, you can have it. It'd be a nice thing. She'll help fulfill included.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:All of that tracks. I like it.
Trae:That's good. It fits them.
Patrick:But yeah, it's Lincoln High School. And later on, when we find out when one of our intrepid heroes is roaming the halls of the high school, you get to see a sign for the Lincoln prom.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:Who's on the poster? Abraham Lincoln.
Maya:Well.
Patrick:Oh, it's not. It's just. It just happens to be named Lincoln. It couldn't be anybody. Nope. You said you picked American president. Stop lying. It was Canada.
Please don't. I love it. I love it. Makes me happy. Okay, so. Yeah. So we meet Helen.
Now we're back on campus with Helen, her sister Joanne, and her boyfriend, Joanne's boyfriend Scott, walking across campus, and there's a bunch of bullies picking on Helen. Rightly so.
Greg:That Joanne is sure some piece of merchandise, but that sister of hers, God, how can I be the same family?
Well, she must have come from the shallow end of the gene pool.
Helen:You wanna come say that to my face?
Patrick:Zack Ward is one of them. And the other one, I think was late for his gig at Colonial Williamsburg. Yes, I wrote that down.
Trae:He has a big, long afro and a ponytail. Afro and a ponytail or curly hair?
Maya:I mean, a lot of bad hair happens in high school. And, like, there's a lot of. I'm gonna reclaim my image. I'm gonna make a new image, and, like, bad hair happens. But wow, though.
Patrick: be they doing a production of: Trae:He had Bernadette Peters hair.
Patrick:Thank you, Maya Perfume. Maya gets it.
Maya:I don't want to. I want to give it back.
Trae: h, he has a like. Like circus: Maya:No, Bernadette has always had a tighter ringlet than that. Do not come to my house and reference Bernadette Peters.
Patrick:Like, the fact that it's such a big curly bunch. It's a big mop of hair, but then it's pulled back in a tiny, tiny ponytail that you don't see all the time.
he perm that my mother had in: Maya:Oh, no.
Patrick:Yeah, yeah. It's very bad. It's very bad. But, yeah, they're picking on her. One of my favorite interchange.
Zach Ward sent something insulting to Helen, and she turned around, you want to say that to my face? And he went, ew. No. Also, what I liked about this casting was that Helen the actress is not drop dead gorgeous, but they put glasses on her.
Trae:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She actually looks like she looked like a teenager. Yeah.
Maya:And they, like, accented some zits and stuff on her, but they didn't do the thing where they cast gorgeous people in their mid-20s, then put glasses and a mousy bun on the nerd. Like, she looked like a teenager.
Patrick:Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of her clothes were. Yeah, yeah. She's just nasty.
Maya:But they. They did the same with the teenage boys, and I loved that. Also, no one was well dressed.
No one knew how to pick out things that fit them well all the time. And I. They looked like even. Even the people we weren't supposed to empathize with looked high school.
Patrick:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that one's hair. Come on now.
Maya:Oh, the hair.
Patrick:You are with that hair. Come on.
Trae:And the sister and her boyfriend just seemed like the perfect couple I knew in high school. Who are nice. I mean, they're not bad. They're actually. Both of them.
Maya:They were nice. And both of them tried to defend Helen very early in the episode.
Patrick:Yeah, yeah, her boyfriend. Her boyfriend who goes over to the Bull. He's like, guys, could you just please stop?
Maya:I do not.
Patrick:Clearly they're friends. Just like, can you just not do that, please?
Scott:All right, I've warned you guys before. Get off her case.
Russell:Hey, come on, Scott, lighten up.
We didn't mean anything. Give it a rest, will ya?
Scott:Yeah, all right, but it's a package deal and Joanne hates it when people bother Helen
Russell:Okay, sorry, Helen.
Patrick:And he's good looking, but still they seem nice. They're a nice couple together.
They see there's no sign of them being nasty to anybody, which is including Helen. Yeah, yeah, Helen's the one who's walking 20ft behind. They're saying, come on, Helen, walk with us.
Maya:And they're like, you're gonna be late for class. That's going poorly for your record. Nell's like, come on, Helen, you're gonna.
Joanne:Be late for school again.
Joanne:Bell's gonna ring any minute.
Helen:I'm fine, okay? Just worry about yourself.
Scott:Dreaming about some guy.
Helen:I don't dream about guys.
Joanne:Oh, come on, Helen.
Helen:I don't dream. Are you calling me a liar or something?
Scott:Hey, Helen, it's not worth getting upset about.
Helen:It's not easy when your own sister calls you a liar.
Trae:Oh, every time you talk to Helen, she just wants to punch you.
Patrick:I just want to stay back and look at Scott's ass. Because Helen covets her sister's goods. Yeah, yeah, Helen's got some coveting going on.
Trae:Oh, yeah, yeah, I saw it. Yeah, she just. Yeah, she's off with him.
Maya:Yeah. My next note says, no, don't steal your sister's boyfriend.
Trae:Yeah.
Trae:But then, you know, she, I, it's. What's his face. Scott Barkis is being mean and she shines the compact in his face accidentally.
Maya:I don't think she knows about the powers yet. I think she's just playing with this new thing she got off a dead lady.
Patrick:Yeah, she was looking at it. He said something snarky. She. She turned around to be like, you shut up. Like, hey, you go to hell. That's what she said. Whatever his name was Greg.
You go to hell, Greg. And she was looking at the Compass. Compass. Compact. While she did that. And it just so happened, he looked right into it.
You see the light flash across his eyes?
Greg:Hey, Helen, what's doing?
Helen:Leave me alone, Greg.
Greg:I'm just trying to be sociable, all right? Just want to know if you're going to prom or anything.
Helen:Now, why would I want to waste my time watching dorks dance?
Greg:Well, I mean, everybody's going, aren't they?
Helen:You know, not me. I've got better things to do. Like watching paint dry.
Greg:Well, what would you say if I asked you to the prom?
Helen:I would rather have root canal than go anywhere with you.
Greg:Yeah, well, with a face like yours, the only way to take you to the prom is on a leash.
Helen:You can go to hell.
Greg:You're so beautiful.
Helen:Stay away from me, Greg. Please.
Greg:You're so.
Greg:You're so beautiful. I've never seen you like this before.
Helen:I'm warning you.
Helen:Don't. Don't go.
Greg:I wouldn't hurt you.
Greg:Not you.
Helen:I'm gonna tell Scott.
Greg:What can I do to show how.
Greg:Much I love you, Helen?
Greg:Can I carry your bag?
Helen:Look, you've had your laugh.
Helen:Now leave me alone.
Greg:No, no. Let me carry it for you.
Helen:And what? So it can end up in the garbage somewhere? How stupid do you think I am?
Greg:I love you, Helen. I love you.
Patrick:And all of a sudden, she's in love with it. Because as soon he came over and was like, helen, I love you. I'm so sorry.
I can't believe I said this thing. She's just like, stop it. Stop it. Stop making fun of me. She didn't know what happened. She figures it out real quick, though.
Jack:Oh, yeah.
Trae:And they give the nastiest, sloppiest kiss on the not mouth. He kisses her and ends up being, like, on the cheek, but it's just sloppy and. Yes.
Patrick:Yeah. Well, that's what I think was fun, too, is that the people that fall in love with the people with the compact, they are annoying. In love?
Trae:Yes.
Patrick:It's, like, not healthy. It's just like, they won't leave. They're completely annoying. Like, she's just like. Could you just leave me alone for five minutes?
He's like, okay, but I'm gonna keep talking to you.
Helen:For God's sake, leave me alone for five minutes, can't you?
Greg:Anything you want. I love you so much.
Helen:I know. I know.
Greg:I'll love you to the day I die.
Maya:I'm gonna keep talking 18 inches away. I'm right here. I'm right here. I love you.
Trae:Yeah, but there's a scene where she's walking down the hallway with him following her and she is just looking at everyone with the smuggest sneer on her face.
Patrick:Yeah. And this is where I have to say her sweater wins the fashion award for me.
Trae:What was it?
Patrick:It was if. Okay, it was an ugly Christmas writer that wasn't for Christmas. It was just. It was like cable knit, but with square dancers on back.
Trae:Oh, God.
Patrick:Like a square dancing cowboy couple. And like music notes all up and down the side. I was like, oh, my God. That's something you wear when you were five.
Oh, that's something your mom picked out for you, Helen. Oh, God. But it totally nailed her. It nailed her character. I'm like, that's exactly what that kid would be wearing.
Trae:Yep, yep.
Patrick:It's my favorite sweater. I don't care.
Trae:But the actress is having so much fun playing Helen.
Maya:Oh, yes.
Patrick:Yeah. Yeah. Because I mean, just seeing all the heads turn when she's walking down with the hallway with.
With Zach, even though she's annoyed, it's got everybody's intention for the first time ever. In a good way. For the first time ever.
Maya:Yeah.
Trae:And also, one thing that's kind of funny is that Helen don't want to fuck. She does not want to fuck in this show.
Maya:No. And that actually was something that surprised me at the beginning of the episode when Sylvia is still alive. I was like, oh, well, this isn't right.
Because the tables are turned and it's the woman doing it and that threatens us less. But none of them are after fucking. They're about the power dynamic.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:And that was a fun surprise.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:Yes.
Trae:Yeah. And she pretty much decides she wants to kill them off pretty quickly. She's done with them. And so they go up to the roof.
Maya:They go up to the roof and she throws something in a trash compactor.
Trae:Her hanky. her hanky.
Patrick:Her hanky.
Trae:Her hanky.
Patrick:Like all high school kids carry around, especially ones that are gross.
Trae:And then, of course, you've got the trash compactor. Next to it is a button with a sign saying, caution, trash compactor may start unexpectedly. It's like, no, you hit the button to start it.
Patrick:No, it might be on a time.
Maya:Maybe if you, like, lean back on it in a cool teenage way, it'll start also.
Trae:But she's like, oh, I dropped my Hank in there.
Maya:Oh, it's so importantly, please get it for me.
Patrick:But it was fun to see the journey up to that because she, like when they walked into that scene is when she's going, would you just leave me alone? Would you just leave me alone? Would you just leave me alone? Would you just leave me alone? He's like, yeah, okay, I'll leave you alone.
But I'll do anything you want. Anything you say, hon. Anything you say. I'll love you. I love you. I love you till the day I die. And that's where the idea hits her.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:And she's like, I wonder. Well, you're gonna do anything for me, you get this hanky out of that.
Maya:I love. He gets the hanky. And then there's still a good like 8 or 10 seconds where she could have gotten him out if she wanted to. She does not.
Helen:All the years you made fun of me. All the jokes, all the teasing.
Greg:That's all behind us now, my darling.
Helen:Greg! my hanky. I'll get it. Don't worry. You think you ought to do that? It might start.
Greg:No problem. I can get out. Helen, it's moving.
Helen:You better hurry.
Greg:Helen, please.
Ryan:Greg, please. I swear, I need it. Just get it for me.
Greg:I found it, Helen. I found it. Helen.
Greg:Girls, we beat.
Greg:Helen! Helen!
Helen:Oh, thank you, Craig.
Greg:Helen, stop the. stop the machine, please. Helen, please. I love you, Helen.
Helen:And I love you, Greg. Until the day you die.
Maya:We lock him in, we hear him die. And she throws her hanky over her shoulder like it's a leather jacket and SMEs off the roof.
Trae:Oh, no. She goes, I love you too. Until the day you die. And. And as he's dying, he's like, helen, hey. It's like he never does spell, never breaks.
He's like, Helen.
Patrick:Which I thought was great. Which I thought like, early on, like when. When the. When the machine had started.
Trae:He's not panicking.
Patrick:He's still. No, he's not panicking. He's like. But he is panicking, but he's panicking that he can't find her hanky.
Trae:Yeah. And he's like, his.
Patrick:His goal is to please Helen first. Even if I thought that was great. What a creepy thing to do. And what a grisly way to go. Even though they don't show anything.
What a grizzly kill for the show.
Trae:And the same taps into the thing, though, like that teenagers are fucking scary.
Maya:Teenagers are scary mean.
Trae:And this. She really taps into that just maliciousness.
Maya:That maliciousness. But that, like, I remember being so sure that no one understood me. And I was having completely an original. That. Nope.
Swap that completely original thoughts.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:Like I remember. No.
Patrick:No one in the world has ever felt this way. Yeah.
Maya:100. I was so strongly that when you.
Patrick:Expect it's a war of hormones in your body, you're literally insane for like six years.
Maya:War of hormones. And I had always been, like, good at a couple things. So teachers got me and other kids didn't, and it was just so. No, I just.
I love that it tapped into that.
Trae:Yeah. And the fact that if the loser ever gets power, they're going to be a horrible person. They're not going to try and make people nice.
They're just going to go and get revenge.
Maya:Well, this loser particularly, I. I think they did such a successful job. But showing her is actually mean and not misunderstood.
Trae:Right? Exactly. Yeah.
Patrick:Yeah, yeah, yeah. She did not have any redeeming qualities.
Maya:Nope.
Trae:Not at all.
Patrick:None. Zero.
Maya:Zip.
Patrick:The compact found the right person,.
Trae:Which makes it even scarier because you think of a teenage girl this nasty. Yeah. I don't want to think of them.
Patrick:Getting that kind of power.
Maya:No, thank you.
Trae:And once she zapped you, you're. I mean, you have, you know, free will and that's.
Maya:That's it. And we didn't establish any way to get out of the spell. Right? Like, that's it. You're. You're done.
Patrick:No, you're dead.
Trae:Yeah, you're dead.
Patrick:The only way out is dead. So what I thought was great. They get like every high school yearbook in town, apparently.
I guess you just go to the high school yearbook library or Jack had.
Maya:Them all because he's creepy without a teen. Please. Why sure. Have miss your book.
Trae:Can I have last two years as well?
Patrick:Jack? Jack, why are all the pictures of the swim team practicing cut out? Oh, what a mystery.
Maya:I believe you mean the wrestling team.
Patrick:Them too.
Trae:Well, Jack in this episode mentions he's so happy to see someone called Rashid.
Jack:You know, all these books, can't find a thing about that compact. Maybe I should call in on Rashid. Must be back from Cairo by now, huh?
Patrick:I think that's a callback to an episode we skipped.
Trae:Okay, okay. Because he seems so cheerful and happy to see Rashid when we never see Rashid. Oh.
Maya:Maybe Rashid is someone who survived a previous curse.
Trae:Or one of Jack's former lovers. I mean, friends, business associates.
Maya:Yeah.
Trae:Special wig maker.
Patrick:His accent coach.
Maya:Oh, I'll get more lessons, bud. All right.
Patrick:But. But yeah. So. So Micki shows up at Helen's house interrupting a lovely night in front of the TV after the death of Greg.
Trae:Oh, and the other two, her sister and boyfriend are really upset and she's like, eh, he was annoying, bereft.
Patrick:They're bereft.
Joanne:Something like that happen to Greg. What a horrible thing. I was talking to him only a few hours before.
Scott:Yeah, he was always fooling around.
Scott:But a trash compactor, like, why would.
Scott:He get in there?
Trae:They're really upset and she's just munching on a sandwich.
Scott:Poor Helen.
Helen:No, it's all right.
Helen:It doesn't bother me. It was becoming a pain in the butt anyway.
Helen:Bad breath.
Joanne:How can you talk like that?
Helen:It's the truth.
Helen:Scott, want a sandwich?
Patrick:The grossest looking sandwich. And her feet are fucking filthy. And I wanted to vomit. Not just like walking around on a dirty floor.
Like that kind of dirty bottom of the feet thing that happens every now and then. Like it was dirty top and bottom under the nails. Shower. And she has not seen a shower in a long time. And that is nasty.
Maya:Maybe if you showered, your nits would clear up.
Trae:Yeah, and her scabby, Scabby.
Maya:Oh, scabby. Picked at zits. They were all. And her red, red, red.
Trae:And her lip was kind of like.
Maya:Oh, yeah, her lip had a.
Trae:She had a hurt lister on.
Patrick:She had a big herp. Yeah.
Maya:How's she gonna get the herp?
Patrick:You can. You can get the herp from any things. You know, you can get it from.
Maya:A water fountain, actually, you can. You can be one.
Patrick:Herp one.
Maya:No herp one. I mean, both herps you could be born with, but herp1? Yeah. Water fountain.
Patrick:Maybe I was born with it. Maybe it's herp1.
Maya:It can be. It can be. Damn it. Damn it. Damn you.
Patrick:No, it can be the way this herpet just won't go away. Baby, I was born this way.
Maya:Oh, Lord. I'm watching. I'm watching American Horror Story right now. There's a lot of Lady Gaga in my life. And.
Patrick:Would you like a bite of my sandwich? Scott? Scott's like, it looked like a lettuce sandwich. Like, is there anything on this jacket is sticking out.
Trae:But Micki shows up and she's just.
Patrick:In the same outfit again, looking as conspicuous as not looking like a normal person coming the door.
Micki:Hi, I'm Micki Foster. I'm a buyer from an antique store.
Helen:We're not interested. We got all the useless old things we need.
Micki:Well, actually, I'm looking for a small gold compact. I was wondering if you'd seen it.
Helen:What makes you think I'd want some gungy old hunk of junk?
Micki:A compact, A gold compact that could really be worth quite a bit of money.
Helen:I said I never saw anything like that. Beat it
Helen:Helen!
Patrick:Although I have to say, she looks amazing. The close ups of her in the doorway, she looks stunning. Like Hollywood glamour stunning. Her makeup is flawless. Everything is great.
The little flu from the hair. Loved everything. But I'm like, if that person showed up at my door and said, hi, I want to buy something for you, I'm like, there's something wrong.
Maya:Something is up. I have been targeted.
Trae:Well, then she's like, I just. Do you have any antiques you want to sell? Like maybe a compact? And Helen's like, you go to hell. No. Leave me alone.
Patrick:Micki, smooth is always.
Trae:Yeah. Just very, very unsubtle.
Patrick:Yeah, but now she's tipped off. She's tipped off the villain. Well done.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:Yeah. Micki's never been the smartest, huh?
Trae:No. So this is my part of, like, Ryan has to go undercover as a student.
Maya:Yeah. I love this for the like. Well, we've already established that Micki has been seen.
And Jack, you're too old, Ryan, you better hang out with some teenagers.
Ryan:There was an accident today on campus. One of the local jocks got killed.
Micki:Any chance it really wasn't an accident?
Ryan:Well, yeah. You never know when there's a cursed object around.
Ryan:Did she have the compact?
Micki:Well, she says that she doesn't, but from the way she reacted, I don't know.
Jack:Well, we gotta find out. We gotta find out fast. After today, Micki can't get anywhere close to her. I'd stand out like a sore thumb.
Ryan:That's what I thought.
Patrick:I was angry about this because I was very mad at the choice that they sent Micki to the door because we were thwarted a scene where he was like, hello, I'm Lucy Bender, girl freshman. I'm new here.
Trae:Just have that beard.
Patrick:Could you point me to chemistry class?
Trae:He would say it just like that.
Patrick:Girlfriend.
Maya:No, no, no. The best. The best, Robey. The best. Robey. Word this episode was disappeared.
Ryan:I can't find him anywhere.
Micki:And Helen's disappeared.
Maya:I wrote it in all caps in my notes. Disappeared.
Patrick:I'm like, wait a minute. So Ryan is supposed to be going undercover this high school? Are you kidding?
Because the thing is, the high school kids in this actually do look like high school kids. Yeah, yeah.
Trae:And I think they like moose his hair up just a little bit.
Patrick:But otherwise, granted, granted, it never has to come to fruition.
Maya:Maybe he's the super senior and he got held back.
Trae:Yeah, he never.
Patrick:He never actually has to interact with anybody. He get. He walks right into a trap. Right away he walks in the wrong place.
Trae:But we're not.
Patrick:We're not. We're not there yet. Because it's prom season, everybody. And you know what? I thought again, this is production. Like, it's prom season.
When did proms happen?
Trae:At the end of the year.
Maya:Spring.
Patrick:Yeah. There was not a leaf on a tree. Everyone is wearing winter jackets.
Trae:Oh, the opening scene, it was cold.
Patrick:Yeah. They are not in prom season. You could have just made it a dance.
Maya:Maybe it's homecoming.
Patrick:The sign said prom. Signs at prom. They said prom repeatedly.
Trae:It was a very late winner.
Patrick:When keeps calling it a dance.
Trae:But no, actually there was a curved weather vein in a previous episode that made it really late winter.
Maya:Oh, okay.
Trae:That's all I got.
Maya:I. I think that's a valiant effort.
Patrick:Or it's Canada. Yeah, no, Canada.
Maya:I guess Lincoln High in Canada.
Trae:With high school jacket.
Patrick:But again, that's a production problem. And again, it interferes with nothing except me being an asshole. But they're setting up for the prom and Helen's.
Helen's helping set it up for the prom. And the thing is, Russell, the guy with the colonial hair, you know, Colonial hair? Colonial hair. It just needed to be powdered.
If it was powdered, I would be very happy.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick:He saw all this. He was watching all this. He's like, there's something wrong. Like she did something.
Maya:Yeah, he clocked it. And he was like, what did you do? I know you did something. What did you do? And she's like, leave me alone.
Patrick:I would go to the police, but they never showed up.
Maya:You know, those Canadian police, they're just too chill. Versus.
Trae:Which is good because his people are aware of the weird stuff happening.
Patrick:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The body was found, so everybody's mourning.
Maya:Great.
Patrick:At the dances are canceled and they don't have a day off of school. But okay, whatever. Canada, you just roll on with it.
Maya:But, you know.
Patrick:But he's onto it.
Trae:Yeah.
Russell:What the hell did you do to him?
Helen:I don't know what you're talking about, Craig.
Russell:What did you do?
Helen:I didn't do anything.
Russell:Hell you didn't. You did something sick and disgusting to him. You made him crawl in front of the whole damn school.
Helen:Hey, any crawling he did was his own idea.
Russell:You humiliated him. You abused him. I don't know why he took it from you.
Helen:Maybe it was love.
Russell:Love? What would you know about love? I don't care what I have to do. I don't care how long it takes. I'm gonna find out what you did and I'll get you.
Patrick:And again, another great scene where he's following Greg around, watching what happens with Under Helen Spell. He's standing with a kid that has a shirt that says no problem in rainbow letters. No problem Gay extra.
Maya:Yeah, it's amazing. Wardrobe let you through with that, but okay.
Trae:Yeah. They don't know what it meant. It was.
Patrick:It was a different time.
Maya:Yeah. No, the people running wardrobe in Canada are straight.
Trae:Oh, well, it is like the opposite.
Patrick:America, they're five years behind. They're five years behind. As always.
Trae:Remember that. Well, Canada's bizarro America, so.
Maya:Yeah, okay, okay, fair enough.
Patrick:And good for them at this point.
Trae:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,.
Patrick:Yeah. So, okay, back to killing people. He confronts her in the gym. He's like, I know what you did. I know you did something.
I knew what you did, and you're awful. I'm gonna tell everybody. She gives him a little flash. Ohhh Russell? BANG!
Ryan:I'm gonna find out what you did,And I'll get you
Helen:Russell. I'll tell you.
Russell:Why did I never see you !
Russell:I said I didn;t know what
Russell:Was saying Forgive me, me please
Helen:Come with me, lover
Trae:he's smitten he's under.
Patrick:The sway and one of the things that I hate about this series is the music.
Maya:Yeah, yeah. The. The exact same cue they play with, the synthesize that goes.
Patrick:With, like, random. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. It just sounds like somebody's hitting the keyboard randomly. I liked oh, doggy Athol. Just happened.
Maya:Okay.
Patrick:Anyway, but she. She gives a little flash. He falls under the sway, and again, he's following her all around. I love you. I love. I love it, love it, love it.
She leads him upstairs into the witch, out into one of those stairwells like it was again. One of those stairwell work rooms. Might as well have had that sign from Dr. Jack, you know? No. No personnel admit. Nobody admitted ever.
Maya:And then later, the half sign that shows up in the stairwell, that's a completely different side.
Patrick:Yeah, yeah.
Maya:She.
Patrick:She takes into some workroom with equipment in it.
Maya:Yeah, no, it's. It's wood shop. Didn't your high school have wood shop?
Patrick:No.
Trae:Oh, mine did.
Maya:My middle school did, and then my high school did, but it wasn't. Wasn't required in high school. But no, we. We had those in mind. Normal enough. I'll give it a pass.
Trae:Yeah, okay, fine.
Maya:Table saw. Table saw.
Trae:So you know where this is going?
Maya:Yeah, you do.
And the direction is so specific, and I think it was so much tighter than previous episodes we've seen where you see the imminent threat, but you're not Lingering too long on what's obviously going to be a murder we. And I think it was just really well constructed, this episode.
Trae:Yeah. And she starts leaning him down on it and he's still just in love with her.
Patrick:Yeah. And he's aware of it too, which is great. He's like. Yeah, he's like.
He's uncomfortable, but he's like, I'm still going to keep talking until pledging my lunch. Until this thing cuts through the back of my skull. Yeah.
Russell:I never knew what it was like. I never felt like this before. I need you.
Helen:I'm so glad to hear you say that. Right, Russell. Especially after all those terrible things you said to me. Do you remember all those things, Russell?
Russell:But that was before I saw you. Really saw you. I mean, I love you, Helen. I'll always love you.
Helen:Until the day you die. Do you really love me, Russell? Say I'm beautiful.
Helen:Say it.
Russell:You are.
Russell:I never knew that anything could be as beautiful as you.
Trae:That pretty hair all destroyed.
Maya:Oh, well, the hair deserved to be destroyed, but we couldn't get it off.
Patrick:And Russell was played by Simon Reynolds. Simon Reynolds, incredibly prolific character actor going all the way back to the 80s. He was in the Gate 2.
You know, the sequel to the Gate with little monster creature things with the kids. You know the one. He was in Saw IV. He was one of the. One of the detective guys trying to solve everything.
He had a nice little 20 episode stint on Warehouse 13. And just recently he was in a movie that's on Tubi right now called Vampire Zombies from Space, which is fucking amazing.
If you like the Lost Skeleton of Cadaver, you will love Vampire Zombies from Space. Big bong. Back to the show.
Trae:Well, Patrick, you're talking about the music. Go ahead.
Patrick:Oh, the little, the little, the little Enchantment. Yeah, she has her own theme. Was nice. Yeah, it was simple, but it was a nice refreshing simple.
That little tinkly thing which I'm probably playing underneath right now.
Trae:I wrote that Helen has her own theme, so.
Patrick:Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Helen theme. Play Me Helen song.
Trae:But then of course, what's his face?
Patrick:Undercover. Undercover. And Ryer comes bursting in. At least we didn't have to seem like infiltrating class.
Trae:No, I would have loved that.
Patrick:Or some.
Maya:No, that would have broken our perfect episode. That would have made me sad if.
Patrick:We didn't do it because it would have been some whole thing if like all of a sudden he's like snooping around the girls locker room.
Maya:He would have been stooping around or he'd been giving joke answers in English class. Like, I don't want to deal with any of that.
Trae:But he goes. He's down the basement and sees Helen, and she tries to zap him.
Maya:And he keeps covering his face and holding a bag up in front of him, putting it in his elbow. And he's like, no, no, not that.
Trae:Well, I kept thinking, just headbutter. Just rush her. She's like six feet away from him.
Maya:I guess he was never on the football team then, huh?
Trae:No, because she's just, like, standing there. He's six feet away, like, no, no, don't shine my eyes. I'm thinking, okay, keep your head low. I mean, what else are you gonna do?
But no, he doesn't do that. He doesn't attack him. Instead, he falls off a balcony. No, Helen.
Maya:Helen.
Patrick:Get away from me.
Maya:No, no, no.
Patrick:What a weird construct of a hallway, whatever that thing is with it. He goes to this door, and it's just like this bridge to nowhere.
Trae:The walkway.
Patrick:Yeah, this walkway in the middle, that's just like another one of these weird. If we're not in alleys, we're in weird factory rooms. Like, weird factory. Like.
Maya:Yeah, yeah, that was. That was weird. I got confused with where we were when that happened.
Trae:And then there's, like a big pipe next to it, and then it's underneath. It's like the second level because there's a whole story underneath it. And he falls.
Maya:He knocks himself out for several hours. We're talking.
Trae:I know.
Maya:Brain damage here.
Trae:That's what I was thinking. I was like, he's out for a while.
Maya:He shouldn't be like, I'll give you. I'll give you 15 minutes. Rats.
Patrick:Those rats were helping him out. Some rats growing on him. Yeah, but. But mercifully, it took him out of the story for a while.
So we could go back to the more interesting story of Helen and everybody else, because otherwise we'd be focusing on his.
Maya:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Patrick:This would. This would never have happened to Lucy Bender, girl freshman. I would have become her best friend.
I would be like, you can't be doing this anymore, Helen. It's wrong. Have you seen my hat?
Trae:Well, Micki switches to braids at this point.
Patrick:Oh, God. But still. But still. And she's got a new hat on, but it's still kind of fez esque because it's flat at the top.
She's like this weird baker's hat, but it's black. So she's. Again, Again. She's supposed to be stealth. Very conspicuous.
Maya:Very conspicuous.
Trae:And these braids go down to, like, her belly button almost.
Patrick:Yeah.
Maya:Long ass hair.
Patrick:Today they are Land O' Lakes braids.
Trae:Okay, but here's where something happened that pissed me off.
Maya:Not anymore. Because there's no lady on the butter anymore. So there.
Trae:Yeah. No. So they're talking jack about the compact, and they're like, it can make a woman fall in love with a man or a man fall in love with a woman.
They go, well, could it go for a man with a man? He's like, no, I don't think this compact. I wrote that compact is homophobic.
Jack:Now we got to figure out our next move.
Micki:I'll go look for Ryan.
Jack:What, you think I'm going to leave you here alone?
Micki:Why not? The compact wouldn't work on me, would it?
Jack:Everything I've read.
Jack:Maybe it wouldn't.
Micki:What about you?
Jack:Just make sure I don't look at it.
Trae:They specifically asks, could it have the same sex attraction?
Patrick:Well, I thought. I said. Well, I thought, you know, Micki was like, well, it won't work on me. Yeah, I'll go after it. It won't work on me. I'm Lucy Bender, girl freshman
Maya:Exactly.
Maya:No, that. That's what I remember is.
Patrick:Is it won't work on me. Have you seen my hats?
Maya:Oh, she'll just tilt the hat in front of her face real fast.
Trae:So the devil is heteronormative.
Patrick:And also, there were no lesbians in Canada at that point. They didn't exist. They had. Didn't evolve yet.
Maya:Maybe our gaydar is just broken in Canada because too many people are wearing flannel.
Patrick:That would make all of them lesbians or bears.
Maya:Exactly. Like everyone looks like a bear or a lesbian. And some of them are probably straight.
Patrick:But anyway, so he's down there, Micki and Jack, or off running around doing some shit. Doing weird stealth. They're trying to find him.
Maya:Basically trying to find him. They're kind of looking for and trying.
Patrick:To find him or Helen. And I'm going. It's prom night. Why don't you go to the prom? Yep, that's probably where they are. It's every. Or somebody there will know where they are.
But no, we have to cut back to Helen's out.
Jack:Oh.
Patrick:Because they're getting ready for the prom.
Maya:Oh, my God.
Patrick:I loved every second of all this.
Maya:Oh, my God.
Patrick:And not an ironic way. It was great. Helen trying to put on makeup for the first time was great.
Joanne:Helen, have you seen my eyeliner? Helen, how come you're getting made up none of your business. Are you going to the dance? That's great. You got a date?
Helen:Why not?
Why is that such a weird idea?
Joanne:It's nothing like that. I'm delighted.
Joanne:Who is it?
Joanne:Somebody special? That's terrific. It's about time you started dating. Did you want me to help you with your makeup?
Helen:No.
Joanne:Well, if you do want some help, just call me.
Patrick:Fabulous.
Trae:Well, Patrick, you'll get this. Friday the 13th, part seven. Had Maddie the ugly duckling. You know, you need a little touch of work.
And she looks beautiful, like this blue little dress. Wait, Helen is the exact opposite.
Patrick:She's exactly what a teenager who doesn't normally dress up and do makeup and go out does the first time they go out.
Maya:It's not intuitive. And hair is not intuitive, so it's obvious. She's putting effort to it.
Like, she's got these, like, harsh lines over her eyelids where a shadow would go. And her hair is this awful matted mess. Off to one side, I got a.
Patrick:Fake eyelash in the middle of her forehead.
Maya:And she has this awful green satin dress, and it's just a nightmare.
Joanne:What a pretty compact. Is that gold?
Helen:No, it's just cheap.
Joanne:Looks like gold. So this date of yours. Do I know him? Is he from school?
Helen:I want it to be a surprise. He's. He's. He's.
He's coming by tonight.
Joanne:That's great, Helen. I think you're gonna have a wonderful time. If there's anything I can do.
Patrick:It. It doesn't fit. It's. I can see she's going for the Cyndi Lauper look and failing miserably, which we've all been. We've all been there.
Like, we've all been there, where you saw something on a mannequin when you're a teenager. Like, I'm gonna get that. I look great. And you get home, you're like, oh, God, yeah, yeah.
Maya:No, you need a stylist to pull that off.
Trae:Yeah. But then the sister and the brother are all looking nice, and they're.
Maya:They look so nice.
Patrick:Like, Joanne offered help.
Maya:She offered to help.
Patrick:She was so excited to see that. Like, why are you putting on makeup? What's going on? She came and looking for an eyeliner and thrilled that her sister has a date.
Maya:Oh, it could have been my sister. I've been like, that's my eyeliner, and I will murder you. Stay out of my room. Don't touch my things. And she's like, oh, you look so great.
You're going to the dance after all. Who's your date? Helen's like, he's gonna come pick me up.
Trae:Let me alone. I'm Helen.
Patrick:Poor Joanne.
Maya:Oh, yeah. She gets the short end of the stick this episode.
Patrick:She really does. She really does.
Ryan:And.
Patrick:And she offers to help.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:Twice.
Patrick:With the makeup.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:She. She's like, do you need help? Just when she was helping in the scene in front of the vanity. The actual vanity, not the vanity. Yeah, I got it. I'm okay.
Fine.
Trae:Stimulus.
Patrick:Having a nice little meet cute. Not a meet cute, but just like, oh, there's the. Oh, there's a happy couple. She gets the night.
She comes down the stairs in her purple dress looking fabulous.
Maya:She looks great.
Patrick:He looks dashing as hell in his tux. They are the perfect couple.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:So our perfect couple was played by David Orth and Gwendolyn Pacey. David Orth, he'll be back on Friday the 13th, the series two more times in season three on the episodes Demon Hunter and Midnight Writers.
Long list of respectable Canadian TV and movie credits. Most notably, he was on the Canadian series the Lost World for 54 episodes. So good for you, David. Gwendolyn Pacey as Joanne. She didn't do a lot.
She only did a handful of projects. But she will be back on Friday the 13th for the sequel to this episode, Face of Evil, reprising her role as Joanne.
And I'm sorry, I realize, I realize this is just me as a producer in my head or a director. I would have demanded that, despite her outfit, that Helen would gut a slow motion staircase entrance like an ace.
Maya:That's because you're a ham, not because you're a producer.
Trae:That would have been funny.
Maya:But we're not playing it for laughs. We're playing her as a threat. That's why we didn't do it. I wouldn't.
Patrick:But it wouldn't have been for life because that's what Helen thinks she's doing. That's what.
Trae:That's.
Maya:We're not shooting the rest of this episode from her point of view at all. I would fight you on consistency. Fight.
Patrick:That's the thing you were just talking about earlier, about you being confrontational.
Maya:I. I don't know what you're talking about.
Patrick:The patrons do,.
Trae:But the other. But the. They're actually supportive of what Helen looks like. They don't.
Maya:Yeah. Neither of them go, honey, you can't go out like that. It's. You made an effort. That's great. Your date's coming. That's great.
We're gonna go because we're already Late. But if you need money for a cab, we got you. Like, they are so supportive.
Joanne:Scott, Helen's got a date for the prom.
Scott:That's great.
Helen:How do I look? I think I look nice. Scott, do you think I look nice?
Scott:Well, you certainly will attract attention, Helen
Helen:Do you really think so? Am I as pretty as Joanne? Scott?
Scott:Yeah, in a different way.
Joanne:Helen, do you think maybe we should go and check out your makeup?
Helen:I want to see what my date says. He might really like it. Are you trying to tell me I look funny? Can't I do something my way? Something I want to do?
Who are you to tell me what to wear or how to look?
Scott:Joanne, don't worry about it. What difference does it make? Maybe her date will like it better.
Joanne:Go.
Helen:Can't you wait for my date to show up? Please?
Joanne:We're late already.
Scott:Come on.
Scott:Why can't we give her a few more minutes?
Patrick:It can hurt. Yeah, yeah. But even then. But even though Joanne was like, helen, we'll just maybe take upstairs and just maybe fix.
Maya:Fix a few things.
Patrick:And Helen snaps.
Trae:Oh, she's like, you don't like the way I look? You think I can't.
Patrick:I think my boyfriend will like me like this. I think he'll like me like this, love me like this. I want him to see me like this. Why can't I do anything my own way?
Trae:And doesn't she even say like to the boyfriend? Like, hey, don't you think I look nice?
Maya:Oh, yeah. The beginning of the end, where she starts going, do you think I look nice? Do you think I'm prettier than Joanne? And he.
Trae:Which is the mirror of the flower woman?
Maya:Yes. I hadn't even thought of that. Good observation.
Patrick:And he's all. He's like. He's like, you're better. You're pretty in different ways.
Maya:You're pretty in different ways. It's. But also, you know, competition. Because you're going after the woman I love. So obviously I like her. Like, he's so nice about it.
He doesn't snap her. Wants.
Patrick:But what I thought just backtracking a bit before. Before Joanne makes her entrance down the stairs, he calls up. So he's like, joanne was taking so long. Did you die up there?
Do you need me to come up and give you moose to mouth? Hey, Joanne, you need some help up there? Joanne, are you still alive? Maybe I should call a paramedic or come up and give you some mouth to mouth.
Maya:Moose to moose.
Patrick:Moose to moose.
Maya:Because we're in Canada, eh?
Patrick:A moose To Moose. But then this scene happens. Just as they're about to go out the door, Helen gets out the complex. Oh, Scott.
Trae:Flashy, flashy.
Patrick:And Scott's gone. And this is just cruel.
Trae:Oh, yeah, Helen's over.
Maya:Brutal.
Joanne:Helen, we have to get going. We're late already. We couldn't leave money for you and your date to take a cab?
Helen:Scott, am I prettier than Joanne?
Scott:Well, you're up against some pretty stiff competition, Helen
Helen:Scott.
Scott:Helen,.
Helen:My very darling Scott.
Joanne:Scott, we have to get going.
Joanne:Scott,.
Joanne:What are you doing? This isn't very funny.
Helen:No, no, this is just fine, isn't it, lover?
Joanne:What are you doing?
Scott:You hurt her.
Helen:She does it a lot. Scott, it's gone. Scott, for God's sake. Now let's fix it so she never bothers us again.
Patrick:They just start making out in front of Joanne. Joanne.
Maya:Joanne's like, it's not funny. Please stop. It's not.
Jack:Please.
Maya:And, like, Helen is just heartless.
Trae:And then Helen.
Patrick:Yeah.
Trae:Tells Scott to kick her sister's ass.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick:She's mean to me all the time. She's awful to me.
Maya:Wait, we start with a sister fight. So Helen hits Joanne first, and then I'm like, okay, pent up, sister, fine, I get that. And then she sicks Scott on her. And then it's.
She's like, oh, she's mean to me all the time, naked, so she'll never hurt me again.
Trae:Yeah, that's what I wrote down. Helen is a little bitch.
Patrick:Poor Joanne. Who has done nothing to deserve this.
Maya:Absolutely nothing.
Trae:Nope.
Patrick:No.
Trae:And even, like, how they haven't behaved realistically for the show, because when Helen starts making out with Scott, you know, the sister's like, what's going on here? Come on, this is a joke.
Maya:Cut it out.
Trae:You know, she kind of has this little sort of escalation of realizing, oh, wait, he's not right.
Patrick:And then 30 seconds later is being punched in the face by her boyfriend. Knocked unconscious.
Trae:That was sad. Yeah.
Patrick:No, lucky. But brilliant. Brilliant.
Trae:But brilliant.
Patrick:Brilliant writing. Shocking.
Trae:And then we cut back to them finding Ryan.
Maya:Who cares?
Trae:Okay. Yeah.
Patrick:No, no. They're so not part of the show, this episode.
Trae:Good.
Patrick:They find him. Why? Oh, gosh.
Maya:And she's like, stand up, stand up. Like, okay, if he has brain damage or, like, any kind of spinal injury, you want to keep him in the recovery position.
Patrick:It's Ryan. It's Ryan. How much more brain does he have?
Maya:But, yeah, that. That's not medical care. That's not what you do.
Patrick:He might be better New. They find the kid with his brain carved out by the saw.
Maya:By the table saw.
Patrick:And then the dog walked through, and.
Maya:The dog's so cute, like. Oh.
Patrick:And then all of a sudden, Micki did like, let's split up.
Maya:Don't split the party. Damn it, Micki.
Patrick:Well, the jack was just like. You're an idiot. No, just stay with me. I got this. Okay. I think you got some hair loose. I think when your braids is coming. Yeah. Are they too tight?
Are they too tight?
Maya:Oh, cutting off circulation. Too tight.
Patrick:But then they finally get the bright idea. Oh, they're probably at the prom.
Jack:Yeah.
Trae:Of course.
Patrick:I always love a good problem scene when they open on a disco ball. I'm like, oh, shit's gonna go down. Yeah, shit's gonna go real bad. This is the worst night of everybody's life right here.
Canadian problems never go well, based on the movie. No. Oh, great. It's so good. She's they. The couple. Helen and Scott show up, and it's like the parting of the red seas, jaws dropping.
Trae:Yeah. And hell's got that smug little sneer on her face.
Maya:The nasty sneer. I could say snare. I can totally. Nasty snare. Yeah.
Patrick:There's not, like Carrie, where she's genuinely enjoying herself. I'm at the prom and everybody likes me. No. No.
Maya:Oh, well, because Carrie breaks your heart, but this is just like. No, stone cold bad things are gonna happen.
Trae:Yep. And then they keep going back to her sister.
Maya:They have this awful rig.
Ryan:They.
Maya:They've hung her up on a ceiling lamp, and she's on her tiptoes and stockings on a chair.
Trae:Yeah, it's.
Patrick:It's to kill her, but we want to make sure she suffers for as long as possible before she dies, which is so mean. Yeah.
Maya:Depending on how skinny teenager she is, her weight would probably break the lamp, and then she could come down, right?
Trae:Maybe, Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe. This is also a show where Ryan can pass as a high schooler, so.
Patrick:Well, if. If. If Micki went in and burnt the cord to the lamp with the torch, how long would it take to burn through? 45 Seconds. She has 45 seconds to live.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:Oh, yeah.
Patrick:25 Seconds. 25 Seconds. Sorry.
Maya:So, yeah, we're emotionally torturing. Well, no, physically, we are all kinds of torturing. Joanne.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:The dance has gotten terrifying. And then Helen takes Scott up to the roof to dance.
Trae:Well, first.
Patrick:Well, no, they. They're having their. Their romance. Their first dance. And then Ricky, Micki and Ryan burst in to the rescue in the middle of. And I Love everyone.
I love that whoever. I love that whoever was at the door. The prom was like blood covered guy go, right. Yeah, that makes sense.
Maya:That makes sense, I'm sure. Do you just have too much.
Patrick:Oh, you're with. Oh, you're with Lucy Benner. Go ahead.
Trae:We all know Lucy.
Maya:There she is. We gotta get him away from her.
Helen:Oh my God.
Ryan:You didn't expect to see me again, did you?
Ryan:Give me the compact
Helen:Leave me alone. Get him away from me.
Micki:Why don't you Tell him what's in store for him.How are you going to kill him.
Ryan:You're going to have to kill him. You're going to have to kill him like you killed all the others.
Helen:Scott, let's go.
Scott:Hey.All right,.
Ryan:Where are they?
Micki:There they go.
Trae:But he calls Helen out in the middle of the whole dance floor.
Maya:Exactly.
Patrick:Like instead of just being, he goes, where are they? Where are they? And then he goes, oh, she's over there. And then he takes three steps like, we know what you've done. No stealth.
Trae:Nope.
Patrick:No stealth.
Maya:No stealth.
Trae:But then also when Jack goes to Helen's house and finds the sister and he rescues her and she collapses crying, and I'm thinking, at no point does she say, who the fuck are you and why are you in my house?
Patrick:You know, what? Would you care?
Maya:Yeah, I wouldn't care. She's fine.
Patrick:Would you care?
Trae:At a certain point.
Maya:Who are you? Get out of my house. Wait, but could you take me down first?
Patrick:Put me. Put me. Put me back up there right now, sir.
Trae:But it's just at a certain point.
Patrick:You'd be like, I did not give you consent to cut the rope.
Maya:Yeah, I. I wouldn't give. A dragon gets a pass from me.
Patrick:No, no, no, no. When she gets. And she just like curls up in his arms and is crying, I'm like, oh. And he just. I'm like, oh, there he is. That's Teddy bear jack
Maya:Yeah,.
Jack:I know.
Patrick:There's Teddy bear Jack. I can see he's about. Oh, here's someone who's not a complete idiot.
Trae:Oh, thank God, I'm asleep now.
Patrick:Why can't you own this store? You seem really smart and nice. Look at your hair. It's totally normal. But yeah, so. And there's a melee. There's. Somebody gets. Scott punches Ryan. Yay.
And in the interim they run out. And Helen's like, oh, I have a great idea where we can be alone. She takes him up to the roof of another building.
Scott:Where are we going?
Helen:I'll bet the view is beautiful from up here.
Maya:It says auditorium in big letters by the roof, so I don't. I'm not sure they were shooting in a high school, but whatever, it's fine.
Trae:Yeah, but. So they're on the roof and everyone's looking.
Patrick:I'm like, if you have it, if that's the audit. Well, actually, we had an auditorium. It was two different things. Yeah, but it's a whole building. It's a whole building all the time.
But anyway, whatever, they're up on the.
Trae:Roof, like three or four stories up, and some.
Maya:Some prom goers followed them out of the building, and they're starting to congregate down on the ground. Watching them up on the roof because they're dancing pretty close to the edge.
Patrick:Yeah, on the edge.
Micki:Oh, my God, there they are.
Jack:Oh, my God.
Patrick:Well, she got up on the ledge and he brought him up with her.
Maya:They're slow dancing and she's doing her, like, regular rapport. She's done with all the cursed men. Like, do you love me? Do you love me till the day you die?
Patrick:But she didn't know. She said the other one. She was like, I love you.
Maya:Oh, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right.
Patrick:Yeah, it was reversed.
Helen:Scott, do you know how much I've always wanted you?
Scott:No, not really, but it.
Helen:Every time you came to see my sister, I died a little bit inside and you ignored me.
Scott:I didn't mean to.
Scott:Look, what difference does it make?
Scott:We're here now.
Scott:We're together.
Helen:You don't have any idea what I've had to do to get you here.
Maya:It was.
Patrick:Yeah, I don't want to kill you. I don't want to have to kill you
Maya:I want to be. But it occurred to me that the only way I could have you was in death.
Helen:To hell with Joanne. She could never love you like I do. I don't want to lose you. I want you so much. But I know the only way I can have you is into death.
Micki:Helen, don't.
Joanne:Scott, no.
Helen:I love you.
Trae:She pushes them both off, which I totally did not expect.
Maya:I didn't expect it either. It was so sad.
Patrick:And again, thanks, Jack, for bringing the victim along with you. Poor Joanne. Along with you so she could witness.
Trae:This, her boyfriend and her sister dying. Yeah, and it was sad.
Patrick:Way to go, Jack. I was shocked. But again, here. What I was amused by. Production wise. Two things.
First of all, they're on this roof, and clearly they're on a studio At a studio because there's this, like, city escape behind them. I'm going, where are you? That is not the exterior. That was.
Maya:That's right outside the high school they've been shooting at, obviously.
Patrick:But that's not there in the exterior shots. Nowhere. It's, like, really close buildings that are just not there. But that's nothing. Whatever. That's just me.
But whenever they're shooting from the crowd's point of view, looking up, center of the screen, huge flapping American flag, The dancing couple.
Maya:Oh, Canada.
Patrick:Like you would think the dancing couple on the ledge would be center of the screen. But no, it's the flag. Here we are in America, and when.
Trae:They fall, they actually do a nice little slow motion and falling a good distance. I was like, okay, that's. That's good.
Maya:Yeah. No, they. They hired some stunt people. It was very upsetting.
Trae:Yeah. And then the episode's over.
Patrick:Almost.
Maya:Almost. Well, almost.
Patrick:Almost.
Maya:Micki is really upset, and Jack.
Patrick:Hold on, hold on, hold on. Jack has to go through Helen's purse first. He goes through Helen's purse and then.
Maya:Leaves with her purse on the roof. Going through her purse. Compact's not in there.
Patrick:And so he just took the purse.
Maya:That's not suspicious at all.
Patrick:It's now a crime scene. Jack, you just took somebody's kid's purse. He's like, I'm gonna keep this for my own stuff. This is. This is for Tuesday nights.
Trae:Oh, is it a trophy?
Maya:I think it's just accessorizing.
Patrick:Exactly. This will go great in the shop. This will be great to hold my wig, singular.
Maya:As if he only has one wig. So back on the ground, we. We have Micki. And she's so upset, and she's just, like, questioning the nature of why we have the show and going. Well, we.
We couldn't save them. Like, what. What's the point? What do we do? And Jack just tries to comfort her. And it's sad and nice.
Micki:It's gotta be out there.
Jack:It's gotta be.
Micki:Well, then why can't we find it?
Jack:I don't know, Micki. Maybe someone else beat us to it.
Micki:No!
Jack:it's a possibility.
Micki:No, it's out there.
Jack:You know, Micki, no one ever guaranteed that we're always going to be successful. This time, we just failed.
Micki:Well, then all of it was for nothing. All those people that died. That boy in the basement.
Jack:Did you ever think we've been really lucky recovering all these things? The law of averages just caught up to us.
Micki:And Ryan,.
Jack:A little rest, and I think he'll recover.
Micki:I don't think I will. I just keep thinking of that thinking out there and more people are going to die because we didn't get it back, because we blew it.
Jack:We do what we can. It has to be enough. All these damned and cursed objects that can't be destroyed. So it'll turn up again. You'll get it.
Micki:What about all the people that are coming to die because we didn't?
Trae:It even says this is the law of averages. They caught up to us. We're not going to find every artifact. And I was like, wow. But then also, they gave up looking for that compact real quick.
Patrick:It's not in the purse. Oh, well, yeah, it's not in the purse.
Maya:I said they should have searched when the sun was out. Like they should have come back after everyone got some sleep for narrative sake. I understand why we didn't, but yeah, they.
They didn't search very long or hard for that.
Patrick:I'm just going to say it wouldn't have been there anyway, anyway.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick:Given the nature, it just wouldn't have been found. It wasn't. Didn't want to be found, but. Yeah. So they don't get the compact. They don't save anybody. It's a disaster. And Micki is. Tore the up about it.
Trae:And Jack has to come and she.
Patrick:Has a decent little scene. She has a decent little acting scene here. And so does Jack. Jack is. His explanation is as good as it can be.
Trae:Yeah. Like it happens. Gotta get used to it.
Maya:Yeah, it's. It was really upsetting. And she was very present in it. She had more chops than I gave her credit for.
Trae:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Patrick:And she also looked like a human being, so it wasn't distracting.
Maya:Yeah.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:She's dressed like a normal person.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:But generally upset. It was. I love this episode. It's a great little episode.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:And. And Maya.
Maya:Yes.
Patrick:The compact will be back. Oh, no.
Trae:Yep.
Patrick:So will Helen and so will Scott, but in different.
Maya:Really? Oh, no. Oh, I love when shows do that.
Trae:I don't know about that.
Jack:So.
Trae:So that's to look forward to.
Patrick:Oh, she's in three episodes, as a matter of fact.
Trae:Oh, sure. She's a good actress.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick:I'm not sure if that counts. I'm not sure if that counts as, like flashbacks and.
Maya:Well, that's probably.
Patrick:Probably in flashbacks when the compact comes back.
Maya:One of my favorite parts of Deep.
Patrick:Space, which, by the way, is not.
Maya:A good episode, is tracking every character that the guy who plays Wayoon plays. I think he makes it up to across the different Star Trek shows, he makes it up to 10 different roles.
Patrick:Wow. Nice.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:There's a lot of prosthetics, but he's so good.
Patrick:I can't be mad that there's a guy on Buffy like that who I think played six roles over the seven seasons.
Trae:So. Yeah.
Patrick:So that is Vanity's mirror. I like this one. I do, too.
Maya:I liked it a lot.
Trae:Had a good villain. It moved fast, and it had a downbeat ending.
Maya:Well. And, like, the villain looked like a teenager, but also had, like, a sincere evil cackle. I loved her.
Patrick:Yeah.
Trae:And then sympathetic people who either die or get the boyfriend and sister kill.
Maya:Sympathetic people doing their best. I think, because we were making fun of earlier, the extras who don't go anywhere do anything.
And I think they're really getting better at fleshing out the other characters.
Trae:Yeah,.
Patrick:I agree. Well, at least based on this episode, there's still some clunkers along the way. But like I said, things are tightening up.
And I know there are a couple of episodes along the way that do go back and revisit themes that we've already seen, but do it better. Like the episode that David Cronenberg directed.
Maya:There's a Cronenberg episode and you didn't tell me?
Patrick:Yeah, David Cronenberg episode in this season, I think, where a cult faith healer. Where he's a faith healer and he's got a glove that can heal anybody, but you have to pass on whatever you healed to somebody else. But it's like.
But it's like Dr. Jack. It's a better written version of Dr. Jack.
Maya:Sure.
Ryan:Good.
Patrick:And normally I would. I would. I would yell at a series for double dipping. But if you're gonna actually improve on what you did before it double dip, do it.
Trae:If you got Cronenburg to do it, then.
Patrick:Yeah.
Trae:Okay.
Patrick:Celebrity castings.
Trae:Oh, oh, okay. I got one. I got one. Okay. Go ahead, Maya.
Maya:Well, I was gonna say from a couple angles, Helen looked a lot like Kristen Shaw.
Patrick:I was gonna say that.
Trae:I was gonna say that.
Maya:So I want to see it. I want to see with Kristen Shaw going full like Louise from Bob's Burgers on it. Oh, that's ok. That's.
Trae:That's exactly what I was gonna say. Halfway girls like, wow. Wow. Kristen Shaw wavelength. And she kind of looked like her.
Maya:Yeah. From certain angles.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:I went with. I'm just gonna do a cameo. Not one of the major roles in the role of Sylvia. Amy Sedaris.
Trae:That would be so good.
Patrick:As Jerri Blank, of course. Do you Think I'm a fat dance? Go someplace a little more private.
Maya:Yeah, I'm here for that. That's great.
Trae:Well, actually, Amy Sedaris is. Helen. Amy Sedaris. Helen would have been funny.
Patrick:Amy Sedaris is anything.
Maya:Yes.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:She can do anything, which I think is great. And she's a chameleon.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick:I don't have an alternate curse, but this was something that I thought of the second time through because I said, I love a good prom scene. And I love. When they open on that mirror ball to the music. It's like, oh, it's the perfect night. It's the greatest night of your life.
And I was like, you going to end a disaster? I'm like. I was hoping, like, wouldn't it been cool?
I wonder what would have happened if, when confronted Helen shone the light of the compact onto the mirror.
Maya:That mirror.
Trae:Oh, that would have been so cool.
Patrick:And all of a sudden, everybody in.
Trae:There is in love with Helen.
Maya:Oh.
Jack:Oh.
Patrick:Once in love with Helen, Always in love with Helen. Don't you make that face of me. Don't you make that face of me.
Maya:Helen's not Amy. Yeah, there's a Rick and Morty episode about that where it's not.
It's not a light, but I think it's a virus or a pheromone where everyone at the high school, like, really wants to Morty. To the point of, like, murdering each other.
Trae:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Patrick:There's a Buffy one like that, too, with the love curse that goes wrong.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:On Xander. Yeah.
Maya:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Patrick:But I thought that would have been an interesting way to end that one.
Maya:That would have been very happy. I would have liked that.
Patrick:Yep. But I'm still very happy the way I'm not happy the way it turned out. It's a bit heartbreak the way it turns out. Poor Scott. Poor Joanne.
They never get well. He's never getting over because he's dead. But poor Joanne, she gonna be in traction. She's back, too.
Trae:Oh, really? The actress of the character.
Patrick:I think she. I think she. I think she helps Hump hunt down the compact.
Trae:Okay.
Patrick:When it comes back.
Maya:Cool.
Patrick:Yeah. And she never did anything else.
Trae:She was good.
Maya:She was good.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:And, like, she looks like. She looks so familiar.
Maya:Maybe she just got one of those faces, though, because she's just very pretty.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:She was hot and blonde. Gosh, it's such a rare type.
Trae:Hard to find work. Yeah. Her and Scott.
Patrick:And by the way, I also love that they had no parents.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:Yeah. I was I wasn't sure if that was on purpose. They just didn't want to hire actors to play the parents or if.
Patrick:I don't know, I. I mean, on part of me, I'm going. They don't have any parents. What parent would miss prom night? Your mom is going to be embarrassing taking a zillion pictures of you on prom night.
But on the other hand, that's just more loose ends that we didn't need.
Maya:Yeah, you're right.
Trae:And if Helen was your kid, I'd be away from the house most often, too.
Maya:Fair enough.
Patrick:They hate each other.
Trae:Yeah. Oh,.
Patrick:Why did we create that?
Trae:Hello, older daughter. Hello, Helen.
Patrick:Could you not call his mother and father, please? Thank you. You can call us Jane. Actually, just call us long distance. Colin, we're sending you to boarding school. Just go away. Wash. Wash. Yeah.
Heartbreaker episode. Yeah. And it is nice to see the good guys lose for a change.
Trae:Yeah. Like you said, they weren't in it a whole lot. It focused more on the new supporting characters, and I like that.
Maya:Me also.
Trae:Yeah. Yeah.
Patrick:But yet we still had Micki moments.
Maya:Yes, we did.
Patrick:Gorgeousness.
Trae:She looked amazing.
Patrick:She did. I'm like, why? Why?
Maya:I.
Patrick:It's really hard to make fun of you this. Hard for looking this great, but it's inappropriate.
Maya:Great. Yeah.
Patrick:It's distracting.
Trae:I want to know what the whole thing was like. Was it the costume designer, or was Robey the one making the suggestions? Where did this go?
Patrick:I'm guessing at this point. At this point, everybody knows that Robey's the money maker.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick:Of the show. Given the audience of teen boys.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick:For the show. That Robey, all of a sudden, like, I just let her do whatever she wants.
Trae:But the show would have been so much worse if she hadn't had that Robey style. I mean, that's such an integral part of the show.
Maya:Yeah. Then it would have just been another generic monster of the week movie.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:But alas, it's a monster of the week movie. Plus Robey.
Trae:Plus Robey. Which is. It's great.
Maya:It's not half bad.
Trae:Well, Jack and I had something, too.
Patrick:Oh, well, yeah.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:It's the whole bag. But, you know, Robey is. What? Who do we talk about the most? Who does everybody talk about the most?
Trae:Robbie's hair and Robbie's clothes.
Patrick:Robey's accent. Robi's everything. She's an obsession, you know? And she gets her kicks from the neck up.
Maya:Above the neck, above the neckline.
Patrick:Okay, so next time we will be doing Shadow Boxer.
Trae:Yeah.
Ryan:Okay.
Patrick:And it's probably going to be jarring going back in time, but it's my birthday. Deal with it. That's the. That's the. That's the downside of the curse.
Maya:I'll deal with it. It'll be fine. Let's go.
Patrick:Wrap it up. Thank you, Maya. Thank you, Trae for joining me. This has been fun. Thank you patrons for continuing to support the show.
I hope you're enjoying all this. I want to say thank you you to Casey Loman from Evil Goods Design for our cool logo.
Thank you to Sam Haynes for our theme song Sinister Dark Wave remix, which you can get over@bandcamp.com as well as all as all Sam's music. I want to say thank you to Trading and Maya Murphy, my fantastic co host.
And I want to say thank you to all of you for joining us on this crazy journey. And hey, special thank you to all our Patreon friends who helped us get here.
So since I can't think of anything else I could possibly say, I guess the store is closed until next month. Please find your way out. Please bring your items to the checkout counter because you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Thanks though.
So until next time, thank you everybody for joining me. Have a great rest of the month. And well, from everyone here at the Very Curious Curio Shop, we have got one thing to say. Damn you, Uncle Lewis.
